Things you want to say but can't

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  • Dear People who don't live in my city

    I'm not interested in how you think my city should be run.

    What buildings should be saved. Or what my council tax should be spent on

    I'm not interested that you lived there 30 years ago and things were different then.

    Your opinion does no longer matter and unless you move back and pay council tax it will continue not to matter.

  • MuttleyMuttley ✭✭✭
    Good morning, attractive young busty lady from the accounts dept. I have always found you highly pleasing to the eye, especially your chest, and even more so on days like today when you are wearing that low-cut top and spilling out of it. I often have to deal with you and have difficulty maintaining polite contact with your eyes while wishing to admire the goodies below. Do you mind awfully if I just put my face between them and slobber?
  • Life is amazing, I can't think of a single thing to moan about, I feel a bit of pity for all you negative people

    (Mind you if somebody tried to talk to me about their cat I would happily turn my back and ignore them... maybe being a bit arrogant is good for your mental state overall!)

  • i was once running muttley and the HOTTEST girl walked past, when i turned round to ogle her without stopping i hit a bollard right in the nuts and was kind of doubled over dangling on the top of it with tears in my eyes.  some sort of instant anti-letch karma
  • MuttleyMuttley ✭✭✭

    I feel your pain.

    This is why I wear mirror shades when running. image

  • Dear art gallery people.Art is in the eye of the beholder.Modern art is subjective

    I dont the read the Observer or the Guardian so I'm not up to speed with the latest fashions in the art world

    So how about helping me out and explain what the F**k it is I'm looking at

    Its a tank with a dead shark in it. My first thoughts were "wow .........erm?"

    Its a cow cut in half, my first thoughts "its very pink"

    it obviously meant some post-neo-modernist statement on summat or t'other but guess what no-one was available to explain to me

    you just presume I know is this the emperor's new clothes thing going on? I mean a Henry Moore sculptor is big and imposing but does it mean anything? Really? a big lump of bronze with 2 holes in it what does it mean?

    "oooh its marvellous an empty room with the lights going on and off obviously a comment on the Post Thatcherite years and trauma of the poll tax riots"

    Now go in the National gallery  theres a painting by bloke who cut his ear off, yet it looks like a vase of Sunflowers, good, I can relate to that, it doesnt need explaining.

    So Dear Artiste If your going to do something that I random bloke in street cant understand by looking at it please put a note on it explaining.

  • i've got a helmet cam somewhere that i mainly use to record snow banks, trees and stationary people crashing into me when skiing.  might rig it up to my running shades.  letchcam!
  • x=post, but it kind of still works!
  • if you've got a camera on your helmet you should probably call it gyno-cam
  • CockoVision
  • it's 3 inches long, so would at least double the length too.  viagrogynocam
  • back to the original topic...

    Phenomenon

  • i thought we were discussing hidden cameras?
  • LIVERBIRD wrote (see)
    LJB1 - tell them about your imaginary haemorrhoids and ask them if they can recommend a cream because you find THEM a pain in the arse too!image


    LMAO  - or maybe the haemorrhoids

    Candy/Muttley - class interaction there image

  • Dear gnats, fleas, mosquitoes and other bitey insect denizens.

    WHY DO YOU F*CKING EXIST AT ALL!

    My f*cking body is covered with big f*cking lumps from an innocent day's sunbathing on the one f*cking day the sun came out in this pissing washout of an august. 

    WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

    Eat shit like your mates the flies, but leave my arms, legs and head the f*ck alone. Or go down maccy d's and get a mcflurry...

    IN FACT, GO FURTHER THAN THAT AND DO US ALL A FAVOUR BY GOING EXTINCT YOU F*CKING F*CKERS!

  • Granted I could say that to each passing insect but as there's so many of the feckers....and I'd probably get carted away by the men in white coats.
  • insects are people too!

    in fact they are better than some.  eg scousers and brummies and that

  • In need of help

    Due to put my bins out tonight and can't remember which bin the neighbours cat goes in is it red or blue???

  • I noticed we now have "landfill" bins where I work... which gave me a great idea on what to do with the legions of middle managers round the place...
  • Kathy HKathy H ✭✭✭

     I sometimes get the urge to say to people (but don't):

    ' You are not half as important as you think you are.'

     Don't tell me what to do, just get on with it yourself'

    'Don't just hold that cigarette letting the smoke choke me, stuff it in your face'

    'Get out of my way. If I was walking, you would let me pass!'

    (Thanks!! I needed thatimage)

  • No you don't work for Sky so stop trying to sell me dodgy insurance and feck off and stop ringing

    Oh no wait I did say thatimage

    OK I signed up for my 2nd ever marathon queue usual comment re the "bug" - No I haven't got a bug, I'm not diseased just trying to stay healthy so stop pretending like you're sorry for me and feck off you condescending git

  • Dear person who just called me in the middle of something...

    No I won't confirm my date of birth and first line of my address. You rang ME. I didn't ask to speak to you and now you're saying you can't talk to me further about what you called about.image

    Good. So sod off and don't call again. Put it in the mail.

  • some good 'uns here.

    personally  I struggle with finding something I wish I could say etc because I always say what I think or feel (however daft). I find phoney politeness irritating and cannot see the need.

  • You CAN'T always say what you really mean Stu! What if it's really hurtful?
  • Why don't you try walking round the park with your dog instead of standing near the gate and throwing the ball 15 feet for 5 mins, I'm sure your dog would be happier if you took it for a long walk up in the dales or along the canal bank for 2 hours, and it won't do you any harm either.....
  • Good morning. I'd like to pay in this cheque please. And that is all I want to do, to pay in the cheque. I do not want household contents or travel insurance. I do not want a new credit card. I am not interested in your range of ISAs or your fixed-interest bonds. If you provided just the service I requested and forewent the endless sales spiel for your crappy financial products for which I have no desire or need, I would have spent half the time in the queue that I did. And while I'm at it, this branch opens at 9:30 every morning except for this morning, when it opens for some inexplicable reason at 10. You do this solely to catch me out and cause maximum inconvenience and I would happily switch my account to another bank except that you're all as crap as each other. And I expect to see my money credited today, not in a week's time due to your greedy and self-interested clearing programme.
  • Dear people with ipods who are still wearing the crappy little headphones supplied by Apple. Why? Do you not like music? Do you not want to actually hear bass on your tunes? Here's a thought, why not invest in a nice new pair, with a bit of bass response and noise leakage reduction thrown in? Perhaps then you wouldn't inflict tinny versions of your vile taste in music on me when I'm on the train or indeed standind next to you in a lift.  
  • Dear people with iPods who insist on wearing them in races .... oops, sorry, wrong thread image
  • This thread is brilliant, my colleague who i mentioned yesterday for throwing up into his mug has moved desks.  image
  • When I answer the phone at work after the recommended 2 rings with the standard Good morning/afternoon *insert name of company* and you say to me "Is that *insert name of company*" I'll give you a clue, if it wasn't *insert name of Company* I would've f*cking said something else when I answered the phone.   I speak very clearly when I answer the phone as it is part of my job so please pay attention f*ckwit!!! 
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