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Your constant attempts at humour and sarcasm are nothing but an embarrassment. Your misogyny, homophobia and racism illustrate your many, deeply held irrational fears. Stop reading the Daily Express, it is not a newspaper. You are permitted access into my home because of your relationship with my husband and only because of that. Oh and I I did not 'catch' him, he chased me.
Finally, if you tell me off for swearing in my own home once more, I may well lose my legndary patience and tell you all this. So far I have resisted doing so because I do not wish to cause my husband any distress.
Drivers - get your indicators fixed, otherwise pedestrians crossing side roads may get run over when you unexpectedly turn across the front of them.
Cyclists - get off the pavements, especially when you're cycling beside roads which have cycle paths!
The end of my willy gets ever so chilly when I run in winter - just the end bit
I'm always nice and toasty everywhere else
Not a rant but something I never thought I'd be able to say
Devoted2Distance wrote (see)
Dear 'unexpected item in the bagging area' lady,There is nothing IN the bagging area aside from the items I have already, legally, scanned.
Dear 'unexpected item in the bagging area' lady,
There is nothing IN the bagging area aside from the items I have already, legally, scanned.
JWrun wrote (see)
To the oldish (probably early 60s) women in the changing room - the last thing I was to see after a session in the gym and particularly first thing in the morning is you talcing your twinkle.
Dear local constabulary
Please learn to read the f*cking street name, you know those two that you passed to get to our house, before knocking on our door at 1.00 in the morning... Our house is not number oofer of That Street... It's number herhum of This Road and Carl doesn't live here. FFS!!!
Bleary Eyed Sleepy Head
Dear Person in My Personal Space in the queue
Your breathing and sighing on the back of my neck will not make the queue any faster or shorter but is in fact bringing you much closer to a handbag/crotch interface.
Thank you kindly
Those big coloured boxes with bikes painted in them at traffic lights? They are for cyclists, not for you to edge into to get a head start when the lights change.
Equally, those nicely coloured lanes on the left hand side of the road with the bikes painted on them? They too are for cyclists. Not for you to edge into to try and get past the car turning right.
And Mr 7ft-tall-My-Neck-is-Bigger-than-my-Head who walks his Saffordshire Bull Terrier along the alleyways behind my house, you are committing a criminal offence by allowing your dog to sh!t here. Every single day. Children play in these alleys. I cycle them and have indeed crashed whilst trying to avoid one of your dog's deposits. I caught you in the act once, luckily while walking my, much bigger, dog. I offered you a poop bag, which, to be fair, you used. How hard can it be to come out, prepared?!
Hello, mr xxxxxxx tanker driver company transport manager? Could you please let the arsehole driving one of your tankers down the **** that if he drives straight on to a roundabout that I am navigating causing me to brake sharply then tries to ram me off the road because I need to get round him to take the required exit ever again, that I will stop him, remove him from his elegantly decorated cab and rip his f**king throat out !!!
(When pregnant - not now thank god)
If you touch my bump I shall see this as an invitation to tickle your balls.....
various 'customer service' 'help-lines' when you have rung to complain:-
'was there anything else I can help you with today' and while you are saying 'no' talk over you saying ' thank you for calling British Gas today' to which I would love to say ' FFS I did not WANT TO RING TODAY, I HAD NO F****** CHOICE BECAUSE OF YOUR LOUSY SERVICE!