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Relationships and marriage..........Knight in shinning armour?
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As I mentioned, financial settlements are based on what the court consider to be fair. Whether either party to the divorce consider them fair is another matter...
A marriage where one party didn't make a contribution would be a very strange marriage indeed and what a court considers to be "fair" is also frequently strange. Is it fair that my ex took significantly more than 50% of the assets? I didn't think so, given that we had no children and were making a clean break, but the judge obviously did.
Although, I wonder if the judge had met my ex-MiL and was awarding my ex more money as compensation for the fact that she is stuck with her while I'm not
I don't think that family law favours women now, Mr.W, but I certainly think that there was a time when they did - much as seren said.
It does seem fairer now, although due to the antagonistic nature of the process, neither party seem to feel as if they get a fair deal (and sometimes the courts don't get the balance right)
i do blame solicitors.........when I divorced 20 years ago .2 days after a walked out I agreed with my ex a cash amount for me to sign the property over to him..........it was about equal to what i paid in even though I had worked for 2 years whilst he was finishing his degree..............
as soon as i went to the solicitors they kept on trying to get me to make up allegations about him and asking for me to get more money from him........I wish that I had known then that you could handle your own divorce..........
I guess my biggest problem with the system is that it doesn't encourage discussion and mediation. There is no penalty for procrastination or refusing to dicuss and mediate. One party's behaviour can force the whole thing into the court, resulting in huge legal bills. I did lots of the work myself but it still cost me £8k. My ex's bill was over £15k. We didn't even have much to argue over. Less than £200k of house and our pensions. If she had agreed to mediation then it would have cost a fraction of that. Even when we got to court the judge sent us away with instructions to try and come to an agreement before the second hearing. I sent several letters trying to get an agreement. Her solicitor sent one letter, after I moved out of the house, demanding £3k for stuff I'd taken from the house (I'd taken less than half the stuff in the house and made sure I left enough for her to live very comfortably)!!!
And breathe........
Especially when some of the phone calls I was charged for were to check I had received the letter they had sent, which I was also charged for...
Gosh, I seem to have swallowed a dictionary. Always happens when I let my inner lawyer out.
We have someone at work who has just passed a Law Degree.
When I'm in the dock for blowing up the House of Commons I want her to prosecute me, two short planks
I too signed over house (and mortgage) to my ex when we split. He earned more than me, so had contributed more, and the gap between the house value and the mortgage wasn't huge. I "took" half the cash we had in the bank (which I had contributed to as I was working, and I felt that me doing most of the cleaning/cooking/gardening while he played golf at the weekends was worth something). My solicitor was pretty good - she did point out that I was legally entitiled to half the increase in value of our joint assets during the period of our marriage (Scottish system), but didn't push it when I said I was happy with what we had agreed. His solicitor, however, was an arse, and made him spend lots of money getting an intricate Minute of Agreement set up and signed when we separated, queried ad infinitum (despite me having signed it at an early stage) then revisiting it when the divorce was about to go through, even though I wasn't contesting it. My solicitor's bill was c £300, his was about £3k.
M.r W's ex and mine had the same solicitor I am sure, maybe even the same MiL
As soon as the solicitors found she could somehow claim legal aid thay were firing off letters etc .........
I had to let my solicitor go in the end, though she vey kindly mentored me over some of the more complex bits, as it was just costing me too much for what was a tiny sum of money in dispute and with a bit of help from people who had been through the same thing (Thanks Tony) I represented myself. Even though it went to the third hearing due to the Witch Queens total intransigence after being convinced by her chavvy mates she could clean me out I ended up with what i considered a reasonably fair settlement and only about 3k worth of legal fees, ...... WQ nearly died of shock when she found out she would have to make a contribution to her costs from her settlement figure despite me telling her this all along.
Smug .... me...... never
Hi all.............
Very sad to read all these comments and how life can be just so unfair sometimes........
I want to add my sad comments if u dont mind indulging (getting it off my chest)
8 weeks ago my wife decided she was not in love with me anymore and wanted more in life, at the age of 54????? I was devistated and have spent the last 8 weeks desperatly trying to save our marriage of 20 years but she has finally decided, even though she does not really know how she feels, or what she wants, to move out this coming weekend to see if she can sort her head out????
This leaves me in the house paying everything which I have alway done since having a morgage and being left with next to nothing at the end of each month, looking after our 3 dogs, and holding down a very busy job whilst she stays with a freind with no finacial outlay towards the house, buying clothes and shoes like she has all the money in the world, nights out with her work collegues and house mate, and still banging on that the house is still hers and wants to come and go as she wants and see the dogs but walk away when it suits.......How can someone do that after all the years spent building what u have........Root cause to our breakdown was lack or no honest communication.....
which we can both see now, but too late to correct...Starting over again at 52 .... Great I dont think
Sad Crabster
(((Crabster)))
Not much I can say to help, but I hope you get through this.
The "things you want to say but can't" thread is a great place to vent your spleen when the need arises......
I'm glad yours ended up ok, Plum. There are good solicitors out there who are reasonable and do everything they can to help. Unfortunately there are also money grabbing b@stard solicitors who see every case as a chance to make as much cash as possible at the expense of the wallets and emotions of everyone involved.
DIY divorce cost me £149 for a fixed rate consent order, £300 petition, can't remember the other costs but maybe £45 for decree or something? We settled on a 50/50 split of the equity. No pension sharing and a clean break. No maintenance other than child maintenance. (He stopped paying 2 months later but that's another story....)
Less than £1000 and less than 4 months beginning to end
If I had involved sols I'd be far poorer and they would have encouraged us both to fight (increasing the sols costs) and dragged the whole painful business out over years.
I agree with Wilkie. The grabbing attitude of many is why some divorces are so prolonged. However if a spouse (whether male or female) does not work but keeps home for many yrs they have lost a huge chunk of their career building potential. If the other spouse has colluded with this and enjoyed the benefits of the homemaker, then they will end up paying to support the partner who has no career to fall back on. I would never be either of those spouses. I am independent and want an independent partner.
There are other costs, getting mortgage into my sole name (£150) changing my name (£150ish), transferring deeds into my name ( £450).
I have since employed two solicitors to do some other legal work and their costs have started at £500 after two letters. Fairly unimpressed by both. One was employed with a clear mandate to take an issue to court and keep costs below £500 which he agreed to do. He presented me with a bill for nearly £1000 and still hadn't made it to court. I went to court myself (you can do this if you put a bit of work into researching the issue) and paid a £45 court fee. Far cheaper and far quicker. I then paid him an amount I considered fair and told him to take it further if he didn't like it. He accepted it.
Meanwhile I was taking original firm of sols through legal ombudsman and my fees were refunded. It's a lot of work and stress to tackle them but I'm glad I did.
I am another who has a very very dim view of solicitors.