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To say im gutted is an understatement. I dont feel like celebrating, theres no champagne or sense of achievement. Im feeling quite low right now.
My background is I used to be overweight a lot, I lost 3 stone to run last years London marathon and my training times suggested a 5 hour finish, I did it with a cousin who didnt train for it or prepare or eat breakfast and she suffered badly, we were doing 15 minute miles from mile 3 and walking and stopping at every toilet and st johns, at mile 13 she collapsed and ended up in hospital, her boyfriend went with her and I carried on though by this time a 5 hour finish was long one, I ended up doing 6 hours 50 minutes.
So for 12 months that time has annoyed me and pushed me on to train hard for yesterdays marathon. I lost 3 stone since xmas and improved my times amazingly, my 10k went from 1 hour 35 to 53 minutes, I could do 8-9 minute miles rather tthen 13-15 before, I could do a half marathon in traiing gear in 2 hours no problem, 22 miles took me 3 hours 45 minutes.
So my aim for yesterday was if it all clicked a 4 hour time or 4 to 4.20 ish time.
It all started off badly, I was penned in and couldnt run at my pace, I was doing 10-11 minute miles and not the 8-9 I did in training. At halfway point it was 2 hours 20 minutes, id planned to run 14 miles in 2 hours so only 1 mile more then training so not pushing myelf too much but then that gives me 2 hours to get 12 miles done which I can do easily even if I tire.
So besides that I carried on, then at mile 14 i noticed my wee was reddish, then as soon as I weed i needed to pee again so at the next toilets I went and my wee was pure blood, not diluted but thick and clotted, needless to say i shit myself and was scared to death, I tried to soldier on but my mouth was so dry, I needed to pee but couldnt and when I did it was just pure blood, by mile 17 I was worried ot hell, phoned my mum and contemplated dropping out, seeing yourself lose blood like that got me so worried.
Anyhow I carried on at walking pace just to finish as i never want to quit. I ended up with a 5 hour 50 time. I wasnt happy when finishing, didnt get the tingls or feel the magic, i just crosse dthe line and then got my things and tried to get home. I ended up in a posh hotel toilets being sick and just sitting on the toilet for 30 minutes as i could not walk and felt so ill. Luckily the concierge helped me get a taxi and i went back to my hotel.
Besides this half a toenail fell off and split my other toe, my ipod ran out at mile 17 which it never doe,s my nike gps watch failed at mile 18 and went dead and i got blisters despite wearing same socks and trainers as I have done for 5 months with no problem.
All my friends and family have been really supportive and say look you finished it but I did that last year, I wanted a really good time for me, it was all about the time and ive trained daily so hard since xmas to lose 3 stone and improve my times.
I did change my gels on the day to a twice as powerful one but that wont cause the bleeding surely. Ive had a bit of a bug all all week, not much but enough to have a few lemsips so wonder if thats related.
Also for the first 13 miles I had what I thought was a stitch and I never get one and even if I do its run off quickly enough so now think its related to the blood thing.
So 4 months of sheer dedication and blood, sweat and tears for nothing.
I usually have a glass of champagne when i get home but tonight just dont feel ive anything to celebrate and i feel so dejected.