How do you cope without support from your partner ?

Hi

I was wondering how people out there coped if they didnt receive any support from their partners. 

A bit of background first. I am male, 45, 5ft 7, 13t 10lbs. I have been running on and off for about 3 years.I am obviously overweight and would like to lose a couple of stones. For as long as I care to remember I have always thought my weight was an issue to me and I have made many, unsuccessful attempts to lose it and keep it off.

Over the last few months I have come to really enjoy running. I now live on the edge of the Peak District and there are some brilliant runs. The problem I am having is getting the buy in from my partner. She doesnt really give me support for what I'm trying to do and, even though she says she doesnt mind me running, I can tell that she is not happy with it. I must only spend 5/6 hours a week running so I dont see what the problem is, as of course we need to have our own time.

I am wondering how other people deal with this situation ? Any advice would be appreciated

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Comments

  • What does she say or do that makes you think she's not happy with it?

     

  • @Tom77 - read this.  Read it now, before it's too late for you.

  • I can offer little constructive help but I do applaud your taste of music as per your user name!

     

  • In what way isn't she happy with you running? That sort of detail is kind of crucial to working out if there's a problem or not! What sort of support are you expecting that you aren't getting?

    Without knowing any specifics - what did you do in those 5-6 hours before you started running? If you used to spend that time lavishing attention on her then that might be the issueimage

  • In a similar situation - I found it was increasingly difficult to run in the evening as there was always a reason given as to why I couldn't - I changed my routine, go out everyday at around 5:30 and am washed shaved and out of the bathroom long before she gets up - It does make racing regularly difficult and being an active member of a running club,  so am a bit restricted as far as racing goes but I manage to get a race in 4 or 5 times per year.

  • Every single detail the same!  - Follow Grendels advice - Those morning runs were a godsend for me.

  • How many hours a week does she spend watching the soaps/Strictly/X-factor etc?

  • image bit of a stereotype there...

  • Or doing other things that she likes to do then ... anything from watching soaps to kickboxing classes ... you know what I meant image

  • That's more like it image

  • Thanks 2 wheels. The missus doesn't think I'm unstoppable though image



    Early mornings aren't really an option for me as I'm already getting up at 5:00 to go to work.



    Sarah - she makes sarcastic little comments about spending more time running than with her. She thinks that the more I run the more weight I will lose but she would prefer me to stay my 'cuddly' self. She has an issue with her own weight but can't find the motivation or inclination to do anything about it. Do you think that this could be the issue ?



    Dave the ex spartan - what do I do if she won't let me dump her ?? image
  • Divorce



    Face it if she wants you to stay fat cos she can't be arsed to lose weight the sooner you're rid of her the better for your health







    Nb other forms of marriage guidance are available
  • carterusm wrote (see)
    . She thinks that the more I run the more weight I will lose but she would prefer me to stay my 'cuddly' self. She has an issue with her own weight but can't find the motivation or inclination to do anything about it. Do you think that this could be the issue ?

    Dave the ex spartan - what do I do if she won't let me dump her ?? image

    I think you may have hit the nail right on the head there.

    It's not at all unusual for partners of people trying to lose weight, stop smoking, drinking, etc., to not want them to succeed.  They feel threatened by the change in their partner - particularly when it's a shared thing (both overweight/smokers/drinkers). 

    As you do lose weight, and your wife sees that you haven't run off with a skinny bird, she may come to feel less threatened by it.

    Alternatively, run off with a skinny bird! image

    (I think DtES and I went to the same marriage guidance college!)

  • I thought you might say something like that image

    I'm a dietitian, and it's not uncommon at all to hear from patients that their friends/family are being less than supportive. By making a change you're disrupting the equilibrium that everyone is probably quite comfortable with. Not that they'd want the person to be unhealthy/unfit, just that people don't like change. Mr. X is concerned that if his wife loses weight then she'll be more attractive to other people/she'll expect him to go on four hour hikes with her/she won't want to cuddle up on the sofa and watch tv anymore. People get comfortable with their lives and can be quite resistant to change!

    It sounds like your OH is concerned that your move towards a more active, healthier lifestyle is going to change your life together. Especially as she has issues herself. She probably doesn't want you to stay 'cuddly', but she does want you to stay as you. And a physical change might leave to other changes... if you see what I mean!

    Is there no way you can get her involved in running, or a more active lifestyle? Sign up for a 5K run together as a goal perhaps?

  • 5/6 hours a week isn't a lot...........I would just carry on doing it until she gives up worrying about it.it will become the new norm

  • I ran off with a skinny bird. Don't think the Witch Queen has ever forgiven me for the fact the current Mrs Spartan is half the size of the first one
  • I'm the skinny (well, nearly) bird my OH ran off with image

  • Sarah - she cant run, she's too fat...haha, only joking. She does have problems with her knees, probably due in some way to her weight. Apart from that, I dont really want to go running with her. It's my time on my own. And, I would expect her to stay at my pace or do the mileage I want to etc. No, that's not really an option to be honest.

    I guess I will just have to stick with it and reassure her that I wont run off with a skinny bird. Although there does seem to be a lot of that occurring according to comments on here !

  • Skinny birds are loads more fun
  • They have energy and can move about more image

  • Muttley wrote (see)

    How many hours a week does she spend watching the soaps/Strictly/X-factor etc?

    sarah the bookworm wrote (see)

    image bit of a stereotype there...

    Eastenders is when I get to do mid-week training and serious winter training starts when Strictly returns - everyones happy in our house that way - stereotype or otherwise!

    As for the OP you need to take up Ironman triathlon for a few months, then drop back to the 5-6 hours a week - she'll see how lucky she is after that!

  • Wise words Rob. However, there is a bit of a conflict there she hates Strictly and it is me who watches it !! image

  • All those skinny birds with lots of energy who can move about more. Love it !

  • I do a bit of running, and this includes some weekends where I'll spend time away maybe 15-20 times per year, My wife doesn't actively support, she just thinks I'm a bit soft in the head, and she would probably prefer me to stay home more (or at least I like to think that) I look at it like this if I wanted her support or insisted she got involved somehow she might want me to get involved in her hobbies amd pastimes, and I don't mind admitting Ironing, cleaning and washing do nothing for me, so I would stick to your hobby and leave her to her own. 

  • carterusm wrote (see)

    Wise words Rob. However, there is a bit of a conflict there she hates Strictly and it is me who watches it !! image

    I am afraid you are beyond help then!

  • carterusm wrote (see)

    All those skinny birds with lots of energy who can move about more. Love it !

    you have to get into shape to be able to catch one though.

  • I've been running for just over 25 years. I started running when I was single so any partner I had knew I wasn't going to stop running for them. Although I've found some people got terribly jealous of me. The obvious were mates trying to get me drunk the night before a race. - that was easy to cope with! The best one though was at work. I was working at a clients site as part of a large project. I went running with the some of the clients staff during lunch hour. I was accused of not being totally committed to the project by a colleague. She was fat aat and actually went to the pub a couple of lunchtimes a week.

    My advice is just to stick with it but always suggest your partner comes along with you.

     

  • My OH has had to grin and bear it. Her first words, when i announced i was doing my first half marathon were..'great your going to be tired all the time'.. it kind of went downhill from there. My secret is to just grind them down, if they realise this hobby is not going to go away, and your still being attentive, then she will come around...eventually...

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