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best running put-downs
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Nah, its usually to the "bird or bloke" or "you've got no tits" sort of comments - y'know , the ones that *really* hurt
I think my hairy (manly(?)) legs keep me in the 'bloke in too short running shorts' category!
Today I got a toot from a crusty van man and some kind of 'fist up' signal - can anyone tell me what that is supposed to mean???
Maybe best not to know!
But, he was a middle-aged-lard-arse guy who kisses his grandchildren with that mouth - what's up with that? Doesn't bear thinking about.
'118 Got your number'
Response
'Got your girlfriends address and I'll give her your regards when I'm finished!'
Of course if they take offence at this you can always add a little impromtu Speed work into your training session!!!
I was running yesterday morning and had the following encounter with a twelve year old on a bike:
"Ayup mister, I'm beating you"
"Of course you are, you're on a bike"
"So what"
"Get off the bike, and see if you can beat me"
"No way, I've seen you running round our school field, your really fast"
A friend for life!
"Whoa lush tits" shouted one to the amusement of his mates.
My response of, "Do you mind, I'm old enough to be your mother" didn't shake them off. In fact I think they cycled closer to check out if I LOOKED older than their mothers!
What got rid of them was, "You know boys, when the stabilisers come off you are supposed to ride on the road"
I continued my run without their company thinking, "Actually 'lush tits' is much better than 'fat arse'"
I got a chav-tastic '118 - got your number' one night. I actually thought it was quite witty until the 12 year old told me what he had down his pants for me...
I was never this rude as a kid.
usually works round here !! LOL
'you can run along with me for now but are you going to run all 6 miles back to my house?'
quite effective!!
Like Julsz I'm in Liverpool so am becoming a dab hand at this lark!! There are some right eejits out there!!
The best put downs are surely going to be for guys in cars stopping for bleedin directions!!! Anybody got any good ones as I am fed up of people trying to stop me and getting a snotty look when I keep running!!
'Do I look like a signpost?'
"Sorry can't help - I don't live here I'm running from John O Groats to Lands End!"
Or just send them off in the wrong direction as far away from me as possible?? Dilemma!
I've twice been knocked down by them in the past 4 years - one time I hurt my knee and couldn't run for a month, the 2nd I wasn't hurt but was knocked into the road (during rush hour) and had heart-stopping moment as cars screeched to a halt around me.
No great put down, as I was too busy trying to stay alive (and the sods cycle off anyway) but one time I was with a very fast mate and she caught the guy and gave him a bashing.
i'm lucky i suppose 6'3 and 14 stone skinhead haircut and a look of tiredness about me which give a permanent scowl (shift work) plus no one scares me (except my mam)
i run more like the javelin thrower than the marathon runner
I'm actually glad that sometimes I'm a bit too scared to say what I'm really thinking. My mouth gets me in trouble without even having a go at dumb kids. Also glad that the husband isn't around sometimes to 'defend my honour' - he's only going to get hurt.
And then I cycle off, feeling a LOT better.
Should add that I live in a non-English speaking country, so it doesn't really matter what I say - it's all in the delivery...
I went for a quick run at lunchtime to let off some steam. I stopped to stretch my calf and I was breathing heavily (as you do). Someone asked me for directions, but I couldn't answer immediately due to the out of breath thing. Anyway, he looked all concerned and said 'Are you all right?'!!
Duh!
never managed to skewer one of the little buggers yet tho !!
white lines are a bugger and i can't cross them LOL
A few weeks before that the inhabitants of a car waiting behind me at a level crossing BAA-ed at me. Like sheep! Why?!
I don't have any witty ripostes. I'm not a natural wit when I'm under stress, and I'm not fast enough to say anything cool about that either :-(
I just plot my imaginary revenge all the way home!
thats a very theraputic way of dealing and certainly non confrontational
if you ever see the car again , parked up, just let the tyres down
they'll never remember you
At Blackpool last year there were some barely intellible yells from the lager touting fatbellies on the Golden Mile. I found that a cheerful "Come and join me" worked wonders at silencing them, or was it the fact that I kept on running anyway so couldn't hear their replies?
With local kids...
"Cor, wotcha doing that for?" = "Because I can"
"Wotcha doing?" = "Long jump?" "No you're not, you're running" = "How observant of you"
"You're slow" = "Yep"
"Why are you so slow?" = "Because I'm old"
"I can run faster than that" = "Come on then, show me"
"Don't you get all sweaty?" = "Yes"
"My mum goes to aerobics" = "Good for her"
"Why do you wear such silly clothes?" this was a tough one, as the lad who said it had trousers that were so low-slung if he'd tried to run, they would have fallen down "I'd look pretty silly if I went running dressed like you now, wouldn't I" I hoped that one would sink in when I was about half a mile away :-)
Anyway, running by the side of an A-road a car sped past me and out of window came the contents of a can of what I think was sprite or lemonade, some of which caught me (admittedly not much).
The red mist decended and I sped up a fair bit.
30 seconds later the same car was stopped at a roundabout.
Brilliant!
I couldn't think of anything much to say and didn't want to stop and remonstrate so, still fuming, I cooly ran past and spat on the windscreen. Very loutish I know but I needed to spit anyway and was very angry.
Had the shock of my life when I turned to look properly at the car only to see a family of four in the car; two respectable- looking parents and two kids in the back.
I'm not sure who was more embarrassed, them or me.
THEY threw stuff at YOU
i think you were entitled
you may have eddicated em not to do it again