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Message fro Plodding Hippo
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I know you dont like em, but only virtual like
hugs
x
night, night
I completely understand your hang ups as I have similiar ones to you regarding the weight issue etc. I think possibly the best thing to do is just plan your runs week by week then its not too overdaunting?!? Would this help...
Well done one your PB, thats a fantastic time.
We're all here to support you so don't worry about venting here. The weather is probably not helping.
Luckily today is my first day for the marathon training and its sunny & clear, so lets hope I can keep motivated when its horrible & wet!
Take care
Eleanor
Its the last day of 2006
so--------
Its been a turbulent year for me, not just because I destroyed my whole identity by leaving work.Ive found out a heck of a lot about myself, and about others in the process-not all of it pleasant.
Lets start with the easily measurable--------
(with apologies to my therapist-but did you REALLY think you’d stop my lists?)
Running
The only constant in my life left after this year.I chose to cling to this, I needed one small vestige of my old life to cling to.And yet-my running has changed too.Times and speeds assume much less importance. Sure, I have had personal bests, but often , I havent, and that’s ok too.This year, I helped two other people around two marathons, something I would never have had the mental strength to do before.Although I still have yet to do an “easy”marathon-that says quite a bit about my endurance.
This is the year I conquered three of my DNF Nemesis races-Draycote 35;Stratford marathon(achieving 3 marathons in 3 weeks for the first time), and the 52.4 mile challenge.Ive yet to conquer Lyke Wake—but I am relaxed about why I didn’t do that this year.This is the year I learned to trust my body enough to let it do 10 marathons and a half marathon in 11 weeks.I wasn’t expecting to break my marathon personal best twice!!!!!!!!!
Ive lost count of my course bests, which includes Beachy Head, and I have managed 2 marathons in 3 days.
1950 miles(% races)-ok, not 2000-but more than I ever imagined I would do
For 2/3 of the year-40mpw or more.
A running streak now standing at 275 days.
4 ultra marathons
18 marathons(breaking my pb twice in a month-but still no sub 5)
8 half marathons(close to pb time on a hilly course, and perhaps a pb during a marathon-all I need is a flat course)
3 10 milers(broke pb 3 times)
One 5 miler and one boiling hot 10k---a flat cold 10k and I will pb again
Yes, I will admit that I am a bit proud of all that.
Body
Well, the poor thing should really have its own section--------
I said earlier in the year that I now have a “grudging admiration” for my body.I ve actually listened to it, and this is how I have managed the unknown territory of serial marathons without injury.Ive pushed hard, but stopped short of abuse-hence a rathe poor show at Abingdon marqathon-I was mindful of the forthcoming 2 marathons in 3 days 6 days down the line.Now, for me, that’s progress.And, no, I don’t think all these marathons constituted abuse of my body.If it had been, I wouldn’t have managed them, let alone got quicker.No, the old body has stamina and endurance for which I am grateful.I wont say I am nurturing my body-this is what I need to start doing, but I don’t hate it any more.Yoga is one way of taking care of myself, with the unexpected mental effects ive previously mentioned.
As far as my diet goes-I would still say this is utterly crap-but-------
Recently over Christmas, I have had chocolate and crisps, and felt sluggish because of it.Now, I have NOT dieted, or restricted ANYTHING this year-but clearly I am eating less crap, maybe because I am not at work.I do need to eat more fruit and vegetables-but I do wonder if my diet had changed more than I realise.I know I’ve lost 11 pounds this year, gone from a 36DD to a 32 F/G, my size 14 jeans are loose and I would be down a size in tops if my bust wasn’t so enormous.And nothing wobbles anymore.Maybe it is time to nurture my body a little.I have spent virtually the last eight months in tracksuits or running gear, and have sorely neglected skin care and so on.Some of that was the severe depression-but that’s not the case now.At least I look healthy, with all the outdoor activity!.
Self esteem
A lot of therapy sessions to sort this one.How do you undo 36 years of self hatred?Well, I don’t hate myself any more.I’ll not say I LIKE myself that much, but that hate has gone.For me this is enormous progress. I have jettisoned the idea /label of being “different”(“unique”, “special”, whatever).My family and husband still say it to me-but-it isnt me.It just isnt, and that is SO liberating-to be ordinary.Now I can “fit in” some of the time.I no longer give a stuff what my family think of me, this was surprisingly easy to do, and my family are behavng differently towards me because of it.No longer will I play their role that they have for me-the slightly off the wall, cant cope with life terribly”special” person.Oh come ON, how the hell does such a “precious little flower” deal with life and death decisions like I have for years??Its not a big deal now, I just smile sweetly, and don’t react.They arent quite sure what to do about it-especially not my sister-but they will learn.
I have learned that my job is not me.However,I still do not know who I am,. And I still feel bereft without work,but I can see it is not the be all and end all-and maybe, just maybe I will get the work /life balance a bit better sorted next time.I still feel as though I don’t have a complete identity though.
I wish I had enough self esteem/self belief to cope with the friends issue though.Time and time again, I am hurt by people who I falsely credit with caring for me.Then it becomes obvious they only stay in touch if they want something.And this is my problem really-I would spot such insincerity miles away on behalf of someone else!But, since I am pathetically grateful for any interest from people-because I STILL dont believe, deep down, that I am sufficiently interesting/worthy to have anyone be genuinely concerned about me and my doings, I keep making this mistake, and keep on getting hurt when the real facts become obvious.
No, I really havent got to grips with this one yet.I know what I need to do-but cannot do it
One task for 2007 will thus be to identify those who are worth investing my emotional energy in.Well, actually, I have already done that.I know who you are, and I thank those of you who have unconditionally supported me through this terrible year-from the bottom of my heart.No, the task will be detach from those who may be pleasant enough when it suits, but who arent a real source of support.Doesn’t mean I cannot be friendly with such people, and enjoy the company-but I have to stop investing my precious time and energy where it wont be appreciated.And of course-expect nothing from these people either.I need to work on this.My time is worth more, it really is-I just have to believe that.
Well, I have never resigned from a job like that before, and I sincerely hope I will never again be in that horrible situation.I may have not done myself any career favours but taking a break like this(in fact, I MIGHT have been better off going off sick in terms of future employment), but it was important to me to have some last vestige of control in the maelstom of chaos that my life was turning into. Im not being inundated with offers-but I knew what was likely to happen when I resigned-Im under no illusions about the medical profession.I WILL get agency work, and I am NOT going to panic.Ive direcd my theropay to provide me with the tools that will hopefully stop the bullying ever happening again, and I have even been able to go back to my old workplace, and even speak to the bully without falling to pieces.Its taken a long LONG time to get over it all.
I know what I don’t want in a job-but I still don’t know exactly what I DO want.And I havent really, SERIOUSLY considered alternative careers.Too much else has been going on.And, to be honest-the financial aspect IS important to me.I did think I would have sorted that in my time off, but I wasnt expecting how long it would take me to heal.I have time anyway-I can locum for a whille.
Will I have unlearnt my work ethic?Do I want to?.I don’t know.There is a LOT of work to do here.
1.2000 plus miles(lets say 50mpw)
2.As many marathons as I can squeeze in
3.Sub 5 hour marathon
4.Sub 60 minute 10k
5.A half marathon pb
6.Start driving independently(lessons underway)
7.Sort out what I want from a job(may not happen this year)
8.Hold onto those friends who are worth it, and detach from those who arent(that’s going to be the subject of my next therapy session).
9.Yoga to start at home
10.Some dietary modification-in terms of adding in good stuff
11.Re-establish a skin care regime(cos Im WORTH it-tee hee)
All of the above , apart from the running goals are covered by two little words
Self Respect
Inspiring as usual.
Happy new year
You have an early chance for a HalfMara PB at the Brass Monkey, don't you?
here's to 2007!
(((to be delivered in person at BM)))
what flavour seabrookes would you like?
NOW you are talking
S and V I think
Or pickled onion!
What does 2007 have for you Hipps?
here's to 2007
Anyway take care of yourself in every way as you give inspiration to so many other people, its incredible.
Take care
Eleanor
slo sho-was just thinking about you-how are you
[stamps foot]
Hippo, you inspire me too. That was a very courageous 2006. Lots of good things to come in 2007, I'll bet.
Here, have some Kettle Organics.
ta
crunch!
Happy New Year and some interesting posts there on NY eve!
I am glad you achieved some of your goals in 2006 and I really hope 2007 continues on the same upward slope for you.
Us sub 5 girlies all love you xx
TS
ps - don't pick up any driving hints from Mr TS
Here we go with the (mostly) good stuff then.Running highlights of 2008.
On paper its been a hell of a year, but---
Yes, there IS a but, what else do you expect at this time of year and with PMT?
Seriously, I have some re evaluating to do about my running
Anyway, the stats first:
1753 miles,38% of which is racing miles and 21% of which was on a treadmill(oops)
Average pace 10.24, not bad if you chuck in all the marathons and ultras and the fact that I am slower on a treadmill! My average outside running pace was 9.25 mm and my race pace 10.50(bliddy ultras).
I do love this function on Fetch, it tells you just EXACTLY where you are going wrong doesn’t it?
But, anyway, back to what looks good on paper
PBs at every distance from 5k to 35 miles.I don’t think Im going to se a totally red column again for some time, that feat will take some repeating.I’ll conveniently forget that my pbs were so soft that they were ripe for the taking anyway.
Four trophies, yes, really!
Two were third team places by virtue of being in the Road Runners Club, but I genuinely won the 100 club handicap marathon by half an hour, and was first lady in the six hour track race(cos there weren’t many ladies in it, I wasnt the only lady though!)
Still, they say you can only beat who is there on the day, and I have trophies, which I never in a million years thought I would have.
This was the year I finally cracked a sub five hour marathon.It has only taken me 6 and a half years to do it, and to be honest I thought the first time was a fluke.
However,out of my twenty marathons this year, 14 have been sub 5, 3 sub 4.30 or less and for the first time ever I finished a year with no six hour marathons(in fact, I’ve only had two of them over 5.30, and one of those was Beachy Head, which I am IMMENSELY proud of, especially considering I was so ill running it).
I have set course bests at all my repeat marathons this year, including 45 minutes off at Beachy Head and over an hour off the South Downs marathon, which for a confirmed off road hater is a bit of a shock.Then there was FLM.For Eddy.I wiped 28 minutes off my marathon pb from the beginning of the year, and that was after a double marathon at Connemara the week before.It was a surreal experienceThe only marathon I didn’t walk in at all, and the only marathon I have ever done which didn’t hurt.I thought that this was it,that I would never get near that time again but shocked myself by running Abingdon in a time of 4.19.This one DID hurt, but what a great day out!There have been so many great marathons this year, the gorgeous scenic double at Connemara;Hastings Centenary;Fetchpoints at /, Abingdon and Edinburgh, and a couple of lows too, but lets not dwell on those.Suffice it to say I now have “issues” with Anglesey, Connemara and the 4 to go trail, so I will be back next year to do them again.
I have done three ultras this year, wiping an hour off my 35 mile time and pretty much the same off my 30 mile time.Both fantastic events which I will be doing again next year
2008 also saw me do what I genuinely thought was impossible, go sub two for a half.The year started well with a 10 minute pb at the Brass Monkey Half(2.04).I wiped three minutes off that time at Reading and then entered Paddock Wood at the last minute and somehow managed a 1.58 even though this course was hillier than the other two.
I did one more half in 2008, and it was an unmitigated disaster, I practically walked the last three miles home.The time? 2.11.That would have been a huge pb at the beginning of the year.
I was determined to finally go sub 60 minutes for a 10k, having got so close last year at Frampton, and I managed that in three of four 10ks I did, none of which were flat or cool.Two of those 10ks were sub 55 minutes, again a time I could never have conceived of before.
Throw in a 10 minute 10 mile pb(90 minutes) ,two minutes off my 5 miles pb(45) on a hilly course and a 7 minute 5k pb(25.30) and it looks superb on paper.
BUT
Yes, there is a but
It wasn’t done with training.Weight loss underlies most of these pbs, together with an element of “racing yourself fit” but I cant honestly say it is down to training, or increased mileage, because those two things just havent happened.My running streak (over 1000 days) and the continual racing have given me far too much opportunity to make excuses not to train properly.I am not being hard on myself here, the fact that I can take SO much off my times with actually what is only a weight loss of ten or twelve pounds is really making me think that I havent been trying to achieve my full potential.
I might as well admit it, I am afraid of running faster.Why else would I slow down at the end of races, find overtaking so difficult, and avoid short races?I can no longer use the excuse that I need to hold back to let my body recover from marathons, because it recovers perfectly well anyway.How else do you explain being able to tale 28 minutes off a marathon pb six days after a double dose of hilly marathon?
I am afraid of upping my mileage, I will be honest, because the last time I seriously tried to do that at the end of 2006, I ended up with four months of agony.Ok, I know it wasn’t the mileage per se, but its associated in my mind.
Finally, I am afraid of setting a target and not achieving it
I am not going to stop daily running, nor try and stop my marathon habit, but I clearly need to address some psychological issues here.
I have to stop thinking of myself as a slow runner, for one, I CAN go faster than I think I can without doing damage.
And I need to do some more miles, this I know.
Sorry, everyone, I know this was supposed to be the positive bit of the blog, but all this has just come out as I was writing.Blame my hormones if you like, but its all true.
I will finish on a happier note though, and say that I have experienced some FANTASTIC races, been to some lovely places and met loads of lovely people.
PS I havent mentioned how many marathons I am up to, as I have a cunning plan not to get to my 100 next year
this doesnt involve not running marathons
Hi Hipps - what a year you have had eh?!! Didn't realise that you had done a 4.19 this year - fab!!
Hope that 2009 brings you all you hope for
x
thank you lunacy
happy new year
Happy New Year and all the best
.