working at it slowly



  • SlugstaSlugsta ✭✭✭
    (((Mc))), I am so sorry to hear your sad news. Please look after yourself as much as you can.
  • Pippi LSPippi LS ✭✭✭
    (((MC and family ))) However much you are expecting it, you are never prepared for the reality. Make the most of your break as well as you can. 

  • DLDL ✭✭✭
    (((((MC))))) So sorry to hear your news. Hope you're looking after yourself.

    Thinking of Podds today - GCSE day of craziness - hope it went well

    After an uppy downy teenage tantrum week it appears that 3 are going to Turkey. How many return alive will be another matter!!!!

    Play nicely
  • SlugstaSlugsta ✭✭✭
    Hope the 'holiday' goes well DL!
  • (((MC))) - so sorry to hear about your Mum, take care of yourself 

    Even when expected it's still a shock but it sounds as if she slipped away quite peacefully in the end and your Dad has got family with him and I'm guessing you'll be back at some point soon too


  • Happy Birthday Sluggie - hope you have / had a splendiferous day xxx
  • TubsterrTubsterr ✭✭✭
    Happy Birthday Sluggie xx
  • Happy Birthday Sluggy xx
  • Thanks to Podds for pointing out the yellow brick road that leads back in here...

    ((((MC)))) So very sad to hear about your mum. That is one loss you are never prepared for, no matter how unwell she has been. Not being there must have been hard, but I'm sure it will have helped your mum to feel that you were going on with your life as she wanted you to. Take good care of yourself, this is a time with such painful swirling emotions it can be exhausting. Thinking very much of you.

    JFF, it sounds like a pretty uphill time for you too. It's good that your mum is comfortable and peaceful, but the mixed feelings are hard to deal with, particularly when you are also trying to support Mr FF (who must be very fed up with that ankle) and to deal with hassle at work. Be kind to yourself.

    Yums, huge congrats to No. 2! Policing is a tough job, but such an important one; and I know this has been an ambition of his for several years, so you must be awfully proud of him. Sorry to hear about the problems with mum and sis, but your sister has been rather difficult before now. Hope this will settle down before too long, it's hard to be in the middle. 

    Sluggie, hope you've had a really lovely birthday and feel like the queen of the castle! It must be strange to see Fliss getting married to someone else, but since she and SB both seem to be quite happy with it, they clearly made the right decision. And it sounds as if he is enjoying living the life of a bay blade for now. So good to hear the Sky is also holding her own. 

    Podds, love the photo of the 3 lads. You must have the most chilled-out sitting room in England! Trooper obviously fits right in, and it sounds like exactly the right household for him. Hooray all round!

    DL, you are a woman who likes to live dangerously! First you wander off to the US where you rain on Wisconsin, now you're off to Turkey with ex FC! Hope the holiday turns out to be ag great time for all 3 of you. 

    Pippi, walking the West Highland Way must have been amazing; and doing it by yourself must have been almost like a form of zen. Having that much time to just look around you and let your thoughts go, is a rare opportunity. 

    Daffs, only you would be juggling an ultra-marathon with rebuilding a stone house! If you don't get fit by one route, you surely will by the other. 

    We are in France, with C2 + gf here at the mo. In the course of the summer we've had lots of people, which has been great fun although the very hot weather did somewhat reduce the activity levels. But happily the heat broke about a week ago and it's actually COOL at night, which is great since we can all sleep. Been a good summer for everyone, C3 was down here for nearly 2 weeks and---hallelujah!---he has found a flat! Amsterdam was totally impossible, so he started looking in The Hague, lost out on three or four, but has now signed the contract for his one so he should be in his own place in early November. And it's only 10 minutes from where we are, so hopefully we'll still see him fairly often. 

    Must get some sleep now (Monty and I try to get out for our walk between 0730 and 0800, before it starts to warm up) so sweet dreams, all xxx
  • SlugstaSlugsta ✭✭✭
    It's great to see you Chuggy! How lovely that C3 has managed to find a place so near to home :)

    SB admitted to some mixed feelings at Fliss's wedding, which is only natural - especially as he has been to 2 other weddings this year.

    I had a lovely day, afternoon tea with a few friends. SB gave me 4 cards joined together - one saying 30 and 3 others saying 10. I can't say he didn't put any thought into it!
  • YumsYums ✭✭✭
    Happy birthday, Sluggy. I hope Mr Slugg has been spoiling you and that sky and Alfie have paid homage to you.

    ((((((MC)))) I'm so sorry to hear that your mum has passed away. It must be more difficult being away and continuing  your holiday even though that's what your mum and dad want. 

    Podds!  A third hound is essential for you. Hellllooo Trooper. Bless him he sounds a pickle but your family is perfect for him. 

    Daffy, you'll smash that ultra :-) I know that feeling of leave slipping through your fingers. I thought it was just me.

    Good luck with the three mousketeers trip to Turkey, DL. At least there won't be a camping disaster. You're not camping are you?

    Pippi your west highland way adventure sound amazing. I hadn't realised you were walking on your own.  You're a proper adventurer

    Not much happening here. Sis is being sweetness and light now. Very confusing. Whilst I'll play along for the sake of keeping the peace my heart is cold to her.  Went for a gently shortish cycle today. If forgotten how at home u am on my bije
  • YumsYums ✭✭✭
    Hello chuggy. Lovely to see you. Good to hear that you've had the usual summer of visitors. Fab news C3 has secured a flat and so close to home. He'll be bringing his washing home and you'll be cooking dinner and before you know it it will be like old times. How are Monty, Mr C and your studies?

    Slugboy showing his creative talents with his take on your age, sluggy. Was he doing it to soften the blow?  Afternoon tea with friends is the perfect way to have a birthday.

    And JFF you're absolutely right with regard to showing kindness/patience to our old folk. 
  • morning all

    joining MC in losing a mother this week. Very sadly my Mum died on Friday - of course it is mixed emotions because it was time to go but I feel pretty awful. I'm back in the office today keeping busy.

    My sister is being a little bit odd, I pussy-foot around her so that her feelings don't get hurt but it can be rather tiring. I don't want any of us to fall out that would be awful

    I hope you are OK MC xxx be kind to yourself

    I do hope you've had a wonderful birthday Sluggy

    Good luck DL - what could possibly go wrong?.......

    Pippi I'm so impressed with your solo travels :)

    good news on C3 Chuggs :)

  • SlugstaSlugsta ✭✭✭
    (((Jenni))) I am sorry to hear your news. There is never a good time to lose your mum! It must be difficult having to walk on eggshells around your sister when you are struggling with your own grief too :(

    Yums, it must be nicer when your sis is behaving but I doubt you will ever trust her fully again :(
  • ((JFF)) so sorry to hear your news, it doesn't matter how expected it is, it doesn't stop it from being upsetting and a hard thing to deal with

    I am back home and the first time I went round to see dad was very hard with her chair being empty but all her stuff still around the house

  • MC my Dad's house has been empty for 2 years now and it's only recently that I can go there without crying! It certainly takes a while to get over losing a parent so don't try and rush anything

    I don't feel as devastated this time as I am relieved that she is free from the horrible dementia, with my Dad it was a shock and broke my heart

    how is your Dad MC?

  • SlugstaSlugsta ✭✭✭
    Jenni, I had very mixed feelings when Mum died - relieved that she was free from the dementia, but then I felt guilty about being relieved, etc . . .
  • dad seems to be ok, - on Monday he told me about what had happened the last few days - she had been in a lot of pain and the district nurses had given her morphine injections so she was mainly sleeping. He checked on her midnight on the Sunday and she was sleeping and breathing and when he next checked at 6 in the morning she was gone. They had had a call button rigged up which was on the bed within her reach but she hadn't pressed it. I think it is going to take him a long time to get that out of his head. He hasn't really got many friends - she was the sociable one - and he had spent the last few months just looking after her really, so he is a bit isolated. I have been round every day and my sister has been coming over a lot. He is looking after himself though which is good. I think the first week or so was taken up with organising things, and of course there is still so much to sort....
  • Pippi LSPippi LS ✭✭✭
    (((Jenni))) so sorry to hear your news, but I can understand the relief and don't feel bad about that either. I think it is something a lot of us will feel when losing a parent after a long illness or decline. 
  • ((JFF)) so sorry to hear your news - big hugs coming your way.  It's noticeable that WAISTers are now of an age where we are losing our parents :(

    MC - could it give your Dad (and you) comfort that she didn't press the button because she slipped peacefully away?

    Anyway both of you make sure you make time for yourselves whilst still supporting family on top of all the usual stuff xxx
  • podds - I am assuming she just passed in a morphine haze/in her sleep. I am not sure if it is any comfort but for my dad's sake I am glad she wasn't bed bound for a long time as that would have been very difficult for him - he is 82. 

    I am dreading going back to work on Monday. I know getting back into a routine will be good but I think work is going to be hell. I think the GCSE results were pretty bad throughout the school and across all subjects but I am betting SLT are not going to take the blame/responsibility but use it to put more pressure on us
  • SlugstaSlugsta ✭✭✭
    (((Mc))), it does sound as if your mum just slipped away in her sleep.
  • Sorry, long message from earlier seems to have got lost. 

    Jenni, I am so sad to hear the news about your mum. As you said, the grief is mixed with relief that she is now released from her illness, but sometimes it's hard to hold the two different emotions together (perhaps this is part of what is making your sister so fragile) so be very gentle with yourself.

    MC, it is very hard to go home and find such an empty void. As JFF said, it takes a long time to get used to the loss of a parent (maybe you never entirely do) so give yourself time and be kind to yourself. A man left alone often feels entirely adrift and doesn't know how to make contact with the rest of the world. FWIW it helped my dad a lot to always have something specific pleasant to look forward to: Caroline coming round for coffee next week, going out for lunch with David, coming to a grandchild's school concert, planning for his Christmas with us. It helped to give him some traction on the minutes and hours, and to keep living moving, even if slowly and painfully. 

    Yums, even though you may not feel able to trust your sister again, at least it's better when she is 'playing nice' than when she's not, so hopefully this more peaceable period will be her new normal. 

    Sluggie, given how close SB and Fliss were for so long, he must have felt a bit of a pang, but he does seem to be enjoying his independence for now, which is good.

    Yet more people staying at the moment, very enjoyable but no time to write properly. Just wanted to send lots of supportive thoughts and hugs to MC and JFF. It's an awfully hard time. 

    (((((JFF and MC))))
  • MC, also meant to say that your mum not pushing the call button might turn out to be a consolation for your father. She probably just drifted off to sleep and never needed the button. xxxx
  • DLDL ✭✭✭
    ((((JFF)))) hope you and yours are doing OK 

    Similarly (((((MC))))

    Back to reality here. Survived the week. There were moments and XFC didn't spend much time with us as she mad a 'friend' and she didn't actually make it home with us as she had arranged to meet another  'friend' at Birmingham airport and could we take her bag for her. She needed picking up last night, only 48 hours later. Generally though the holiday was all very pleasant and a nice change from work!

    Onwards and upwards people, onwards and upwards
  • Welcome home DL!
  • Well done, DL! You all survived the family holiday (even if XFC was a bit in-and-out) and there will be a lot of great memories there. 

    ((((MC))) I hope the return to school tomorrow won't be too hard. Trying to get back to 'normal', when nothing at all feels normal with such a huge aching hole in the middle, is not easy; and it sounds as if the kickback from the GCSE's may be unpleasant (and unfair). Sigh. Sending you a big hug and lots of strength. 

    ((((JFF)))) No matter how prepared you are, no matter how much of a release it is, losing your mum is a really hard blow. She's the person who's been there every second of your life, and the world is a different place without her. Sterkte. 

    Our final visitors left yesterday, and Mr C and I are really enjoying doing nothing. We grunt amiably at each other occasionally, eat whatever we encounter in the fridge when we feel peckish, and not much else. But we drive back to NL on Wednesday, and then will follow four weeks of manic activity, so we're enjoying laziness while we can. 

    Hope everyone is having a chance at a restful Sunday, hopefully with some nice late summer weather: not too hot, but warm and genial. We now need to tank up on sun while we have it! xxx
  • YumsYums ✭✭✭
    ((((((JFF)))) I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. It must feel strange to feel both relief and grief at the same time.  I suspect it's also harder because you don't have another parent who needs support as it certainly kept my grief in perspective because I had mum to support.   The important thing to accept how you feel is normal and to be kind to yourself.

    ((((MC))))) It must have been a shock for your dad to find your mum had slipped away without there being any sign it was imminent. It's good he's looking after himself though.  I hope school isn't difficult but that doesn't seem likely.

    Chuggy,  I love the description of you and mr C being socialed out and grunting at each other and foraging in the fridge. I hope you feel fully restored before the mad activity of the Netherlands.

    Welcome home, DL. XFC sounds as though she had a good time and no leaking tents. It's all rather too tame for you :smile:

    Just the usual stuff here. Back to my real job tomorrow as my unhappy time on loan has finally ended. Hoo bloomin ra! It's a big relief
  • Evening - will try and catch up tomorrow - but peace is shattered as the teachers are back - sorry MC and Pippi !!  Apparently I have to attend the staff meeting for the 1st time in 16 years.......... I am not impressed.  All the things on the agenda I either already know (often better than the people presenting them) or are irrelevant to my role!!  Oh well............I'm sure I'll survive :dizzy:

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