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Things you want to say but can't
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Dear "Person who works at the same company as me, but I have no idea who you are or what you do"
If you turn up at work wearing black trousers, black shirt, black waistcoat, black shoes and a BRIGHT YELLOW NEON TIE, you will look a tit.
Ian C - heee heeee! Can I just add my own comment on colleagues' clothing:
You have a beard, long hair and and you're wearing your suit with converse. You're obviously trying very hard to look a bit counterculture, a bit 'out there', like you conform to societies norms for no man. Good effort, totally ruined by the fact you work for a bank.
God I need to cheer up before a night out tonight, not sure why but the tube strike has really rained on my parade
I've moved on from teary and apologetic to just generally p1ssed off. So what I now want to say is
'why couldn't you have used a condom for your getting back at me shag so that years later when I sefishly decide I might potenially want to consider giving it another go it wouldn't be impossible'
There's a lot more besides, which I won't even say on here as it'll just make me sound self-centred and bitchy.
JWRun - And breathe.
Jeggings - even the word sounds
What about TREGGINGS!!
Dear Motivation,
You appear to have gone on holiday without me. Please come back.
Thank you
HC
How can people be so self indulgent????
*just realised that could be totally misconstrued, so editing to add that this is in no way anything to do with this thread!!!!! *
Dear Facebook friend,
Thanks for posting those photos which make me look even more middle-aged, plump and homely than I feel. I'd like to say they motivated me to work out harder, dress better and give myself a makeover, but instead they've driven me to buy a bottle of wine on the way home.
B
Dear Car....
Look... This is it.... I have spent £300 on you this month. After spending a small fortune to get you through the MOT you now require a new battery. DO NOT take advantage of my better nature or you will end up on the scrap yard and not before I've taken a mallet to you myself. If I were you I really wouldn't push it any further.
You be nice from now on.
HAHAHAHAHAHA, after reading the jeggings comment I wondered how long it would be before the rage set in hun!
Ooh now I can imagine that would be quite satisfying, especially if you'd just won a new car, or the lottery (or something equally unlikely!)But jeggings are so COMFY.....
Elasticated waist pants for the younger bird
You're job title is meaningless, you are essentially a manager of yourself and nothing else.
You have never had an independant thought, you simply echo what other people say in meetings.
You work in IT, yet you understand nothing about how computers work. You still talk like they have a personality, not for fun, but because that's what you actually think.
You don't understand what a joke is, or when people are trying to make one.
You defend ridiculus points of view with more defiance than Custer, because you think it makes you sound intelligent
You will try to have the same conversation with each person in the office individually, just so you don't have to do any work. Like the time you found a locked padlock in the cupboard, and spent 2 hours travelling round the office proudly stating "If we don't find a key for this, it's about as much use as a chocolate fireguard"
It takes you 4 hours to send 2 emails. Short ones.
You are an attention seeker. You'll mutter something to yourself, over and over again, getting louder and louder - until someone picks up on it and gives you some attention
"I hate mobile phones"
"I hate mobile phones"
"I hate mobile phones"
"I hate mobile phones"
"Sorry, what's that, you hate mobile phones?"
"Yes, I hate them......."
and if you mention GOLF one more time, I might have to stab you with a keyboard, or a monitor. Or something else equally unsuited to stabbing someone with.
Thank you very much the person who dragged their car down the side of my car, thus scratching and denting the front wing for me....and not leaving your details.
In every unionised place I've worked, while it is true that the union reps are volunteers, they are carrying out union duties during working time, so are in fact paid by their employers to carry out said union activities.
Nam - nah - pretty much pointless....as I have no real idea when it happened - but probably in the last 2 days.
Its not a fancy car, but I have had it since new, and look after it as I intend to drive it until it dies.
I will be getting the T-cut out though.
It is the kind of scuff/scratch though that could make it look as though i cant park.
Where I currently work, the unions do represent all the workers because we have a collective bargaining agreement.
This is despite the fact that fewer than 50% of the workforce are members. So things may change soon.
Rather than emailing me and asking me to email someone else to ask for something you want, why don't you email them directly? I am not your PA.
If this conference call doesn't end soon I might cry
What do I want to get off my chest? this sodding cough cough f*cking cough!
It's annnoying me. It's probably annoying my office mates, and it's not even a satisfying cough where you get up lots of disgusting phlegm...no it's a pointless irritating wasteof time cough.