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CM- being there for your kids isn't really about being there physically in the same room, it's about being there in their hearts. Them knowing they are loved and supported so they feel safe and secure even when you are not physically with them. I believe your kids have that.
TT ;0)
TT - i know what you are saying. but i also know at the moment that there are times they want me and ask for me and i am not there for them. just saw them briefly earlier on as they came over to the village for coffee and so T could fill in the nursery forms. J was asking to come back with me afterwards and I had to say no - it's still daddy's day but I will come and get you later. so he was crying. and in my mind, now he's driving back off to T's house in tears crying because his mum isn't letting him go to her house. i KNOW that's not the situation, but who knows what a 4-yr old boy makes of all this.
i am angry today. angry with T for ending up with so much when he put in so little. he ends up with the kids according to his schedule; the house (he buys me out - eventually whenever that might be); his salary. i end up with the kids (according to his schedule) and some equity and NOTHING else. he keeps his huge salary which is over twice what i bring home. and i will be earning less as only working 3 days a week, probably receiving next to nothing from him in maintenance (am trying but who knows what i will get) and scraping together to pay the bills and keep the kids happy.
and i am angry with my parents. i am so angry with them. i just did a 5.8 mile run and cried all the way round. i am so so angry.
You have every right to feel angry CM. It is very unfair. But be thankful that you haven't wasted 20 years of your life on T and are walking away with nothing, happens to a lot of women sadly. You do still have a job and are pretty reasonably well paid compared to a lot of others, so you will be able to buy a house for you and your kids. Plenty of single mums could only dream of owning their own house.
You do really have to pursue the house equity release and maintenence side of things legally though, as T is taking the p!$$. You need to be able to move on with your life and get settled in your own home and financially.
TT ;0)
You have every right to feel angry CM. It is very unfair. But be thankful that you haven't wasted 20 years of your life on T and are walking away with nothing, happens to a lot of women sadly. You do still have a job and are pretty reasonably well paid compared to a lot of others, so you will be able to buy a house for you and your kids. Plenty of single mums could only dream of owning their own house.
You do really have to pursue the house equity release and maintenence side of things legally though, as T is taking the p!$$. You need to be able to move on with your life and get settled in your own home and financially.
TT ;0)
don't know what happened there
TT - I can't afford to pursue the house / maintenance thing legally. My solicitor told me it will cost 5 - 10k to do that. on top of the 20k ish it has cost me to fail to get residence of the kids. And my parents, who told me that they would pay for all of this, have now withdrawn all support. So somehow I need to find 20k to pay my legal bill for the child residence fight. And I have no money to pursue the financial settlement. So I will end up with next to nothing from him as I have no money to fight to get what the kids and me truly deserve...
dropping down to 3 days a week is going to make it hard for me financially. i will be able to afford to buy a house, but not one like i was looking at before. it won't compete with T and his 5 bed + 1 bed granny flat house in the countryside. i will have a 3 bed semi... nothing wrong with that. but it's so unfair that he gets so much and i end up with nothing. and i have no means to fight. and no will either to be honest. the courts ruled against me over residence of the kids; so why do i think they would see my argument on the money-side of things?
i have my babies back.
E has terrible nappy rash.
so bad that i have taken a photo of it. and am going to take her to the GP's tomorrow. T didn't even say anything about it when i picked her up. it is all down her inner thighs as well. i have texted him to ask him whether he knows why it is so bad. no reply yet... she does suffer from nappy rash, but this is worse than i have ever seen it. why oh why didn't he say something?
and J has eczema in his armpits which he has been scratching so it's all broken and very sore looking. i asked if daddy had put cream on - and he said no. so i have put some on tonight. he will be fine. but there is no need for it to get to that point. i slap sudocrem on as soon as i notice any tiny spots and it sorts it out overnight. no need for any steroid cream at all.
gggrrrr- lost my post
CM- you have to think smart, he is giving you evidence on a plate to reverse the court decision. In the morning call children's services and ask to speak to a social worker. Tell them you have joint care but that the children suffer from neglect in his care, they have physical symptoms which are not dismissable and you can clearly demonstrate that. They should do an initial asst (which may include you but don't worry about that) and then you will have their backing to give care to you. With that comes CSA and financial security. As others have pointed out better to have nothing than live with a tw*t but you should get a fair deal. Ideally the hand over from him to yu should be in daytime hours so if there is a serious rash (or mark) you can get straight down to the surgery and BE CLEAR you have just collected them. If he replies to your text-keep it to show the Dr/ social worker. I know it prob sounds scary but children's services look at welfare and actually do value the accounts from Health visitors/ school which the court didn't.
JT- I have seen that forrest but never stopped- I travel the heads of the valley road quite often and should stop off for a look. We'll have to arrange a day out with CM. Tri was in Brecon, don't think Newtown do one now. Am going to enter Hereford Tri club's sprint in July. It's between Ludlow and Leominster if anyone fancies a trip???
Dad's card- I'm not a slushy either, Dad was not impressed when I dropped out of 4 A levels to have eldest at 16yrs but he soon forgave me!
Tired as left for work at 7.20am and can't get a run as hubby at bridge club and eldest gone to the pub!
thanks camlo. i don't think i have the guts to do that yet. i don't have enough confidence in myself to see this through. the kids are / will be fine for now.
but yes - a day out would be grand
I completely understand but at least get the evidence - take E to the GP or HV whenever she returns with a bad rash. If it's persistant they should do the referral for you. You are a great Mum xx
Hello all, checking in from beautiful Koh Samui in Thailand. I am sitting on the balcony with a cup of coffee waiting for the sun to break through the clouds. We arrived safely and had good flights a week or so ago. Leila has had a ball playing in the sea and pool. She is doing well on her swimming too, and can now swim with her float suit, I am hoping she will be swimming properly when we return. Well done to Ted JT!! Still young to learn to swim in my books!
The thai people are so friendly and smiley and adore Leila. They don't seem to leave her alone, I guess they don't see many blonde haired, blue eyed children. The apartment and food is great, and luckily there is a gym here so I have been running every day, otherwise I would definitely be a stone heavier with all the delicious prawns and thai curries. We have hired a little jeep and been touring the island which was great.
Had a big shock last night when Leila ran into the corner of a table, cutting her head (just above her eye open) The wound was pretty deep and about 1.5cm across, and bled loads. I was so upset, but obviously couldn't show Leila so was trying to pretend everything was fine and be calm at the same time whilst hubby went to reception to ask about the nearest hospital. They offered to drive us thankfully, as we had both had a couple of drinks before Leila clonked her head. I must say the hospital was amazing. We were greeted outside, and taken in where a Dr looked at her immediately and said, "she needs stitches, she will need restraining and she will cry.." then sat back behind his desk whilst the nursesran about getting it all prepared. Then, Leila had to lie down and be restrained by a blanket and have her head held, whilst all I could do was stroke her leg and talk rubbish to her. It was the most upsetting thing I have had to go through as she was so upset and I was trying not to let her know I was upset too. She had 6 stitches and we have to go back on Weds and Fri to have it cleaned and then go to get the stitches out in Singapore on Sunday. The hospital were great and we were in and out within 25 minutes (although it felt like lots longer) with antibiotics. The only problem is now keeping it dry as we have another 5 days left here and our days are spent mainly on the beach and pool. I am going to try to concoct a waterproof dressing out of a shower cap and plaster and allow her to paddle.
All this made me realise how far from home we are, and upset me loads. I think I had decided that we were going to come home after Thailand last night, but now she is back to herself again, obviously I know we wont. We are about to book a=our campervan from Cairns which i am ridiculously excited about.
anyway, sorry for the me,me, me post.... I have tried to keep reading but you know how it is.
CC - your weekend sounds lovelyas does your trip away in a camper. is that the West coast of Scotland, if so it is supposed to be stunning.
CM - hope you are staying strong and that things work out for you. You are doing really well. (())
Hope everyone with niggles/injuries get better fast and are back up and running... and well done to Karen on her park run win...and to Caro's sis - great time!!
Noticed Minks and JG haven't posted in a while... hope all ok.
Anyway, going to get my bikini on and head to the pool, (after concoting and waterproof cover for Leilas head that is)
CM I ditto the others in that you really need to stop bailing hubby out - Camlo has some sound advice, so definitely start taking photos etc of all these things.
I have actually been running! Ran 2.8 miles in the heat on Sat with my sister, very slow, but then yesterday ran 3 miles at 8.32 pace. Can't believe I ran a whole marathon faster than that 6 wks ago........ So far leg feels fine, have physio again today so will go, because I think she did wonders a couple of wks ago, then not go anymore as long as it is ok. JT - I found a 1/2 price voucher online for my physio, so for the 1st appt I only paid £21, today will be £42, but then don't plan on going again. My sister swears by her chiropracter and active release technique. I am amazed actually - she went running a couple of times whilst she was here over the wk end - and running things like 7 miles at 7.42 pace - this is ONE wk after her 3.07 marathon and she is absolutely fine. I am in awe.
I too have been wondering about Minks - have seen some pots from JG on facebook.
We are booked to fly back in March next year, but this is dependant on money, we have a budget so we have to see how it goes. All flights are flexible but to want to come back after a week
I am fine now, I just felt really upset yesterday and thought I should have been watching her more closely. In reality, I know that nothing I did would have prevented something like that. I hope M does ok having her blood taken, I am sure it will be over in seconds but not nice at all.
Good for you on the running, it will come back really quickly I'm sure.
We have a very tired girl today, (I kept her up til 11 last night to check she was ok) so I'm in the apartment whilst she and hubby naps. I might head to poo in a bitl for a snooze and read my book.
I am looking at things to do in Singapore with kids. Has anyone been before and got some suggestions?
So, have the floods subsided in Koh Samui then Anjelicals? I have fond memories of that place. Do they still play "the Koh Samui song" everywhere? Sounds traumatic about Leila.Touch wood we haven't had anything that bad yet. Did you really mean "I might head to poo in a bit"? TMI! I seem to remember that there is a zoo in Singapore, but we didn't have LB when we went so can't help really.
JT LB has his first swimming lesson tomorrow. I had been waiting 3 years for Mrs B to get round to doing it (as she has been promising him), but in the end (with school looming in September) I just went ahead and booked them in for a short course.
Sounds like you need blackout curtains for the kids' rooms CC. Sounds like you came across a right pain in the a$se on the orienteering. He really knows how to motivate people doesn't he?
Been reading but haven't had a chance to post for about a week.
CC - the light nights are great aren't they. It isn't getting dark here at all now. Fantastic but useless for getting kids to bed early and no-one can sleep in in the morning. This morning I was woken at 4.30 with bright sunshine so just got up and went out on the bike. Hubby was grumping when I got home as I forgot my alarm clock was still set for 5.30 so woke him up as I wasn't there to switch it off! Camper van sounds great fun but hey why the Western Isles?
You should have headed North, and we have far fewer midges 
Caro - good news on the run. Hope things continue in the right direction and that JT and TB are mending too.
Anjelicals - lovely to hear from you and it does sound very idylic. Shame about Leila's accident. I've had to hold kids down for stitches and its not nice but being so far from home would make it very traumatic indeed.
As you might have seen from the FB pics we got our kitten. The kids decided to call her Jessie (or Jess) and she is nuts! But the bairns are being great with her and she is lots of fun!
Can barely keep up with all the activities that the kids are doing just now. Swimming, athletics, gymnastics, sailing, music. Roll on the summer holidays! Weather has been good so we have had a couple of wetsuiting days too. Sophie and Dylan had another athletics competition of Sunday and both got PBs of 3.02 for their 800m. Lots of sibling rivalry going on there. Sophie is still quicker over the shorter distances though.
My injury is on the mend. After missing 4 weeks I am now back running and did a 30 mile week last week (backed up with 84 miles on the road bike). I'm now wondering if I should still give the Island Games a bash. I don't want to go there and humiliate myself infront of the team/supporters but if I have no more setbacks this week I might just give it a go. Our team manager hadn't officially withdrawn me and is keen that I stilll go. I know I will be worried about missing 4 weeks of training at an important time but then sometimes trainng goes perfectly and you still have a shite race. I'll make a decision at the end of this week. I'm not sure how my feet will respond to speedwork and haven't run faster than MP yet. Its hard to get my head back into the games as I had totally written it off.
Going to post this before I lose it and then I will have to read back again!
wow - amazing running by the kids, lotte. and as for the games - go on... you know you want to
just taken E to the doctor's about her nappy rash. he was so totally lovely. i didn't actually say that she had been with her dad for 5 nights. honestly - what's the point. but i did make it clear that i had been trying to treat it with canesten etc. anyway he wasn't at all funny with me and prescribed daktacourt and some truly hideous (apparently) barrier cream. niiiice. he reckons should all be sorted in 2 weeks. fingers crossed. poor lamb. it looks sooooooo awful.
thanks Lotte. first week of our school hols so 23 july. am looking forward to it. of course, as i am having the kids for a week, it means T also then gets them for a week, which is such a hideous thought. i could cry just thinking about it. a whole week without them.
. can you imagine what sort of state they will be in?
i am struggling badly today. can't concentrate and should have run but can't. feels like my mind is just blancmange. i can't structure any thoughts. just want to cry.
Woohoo to the sausage poo Matilda!
Know what a relief it was when Camryn started doing soft sausage poos rather than huge hard tennis balls, she calls them snakey poos.
TT ;0)
Oh how I wish i was in thailand.... head injury sounds nasty though, hope she is on the mend!
Glad the blood test went well caro, mine amaze me whenever they have tests- just take it all in their stride. Sure it has alot to do with the great skill the hospital nurses have at making them so relaxed and providing lots of distraction. really showed when they had their pre school boosters - not a murmer when all the other kids wailed for england, the nurse was really worried when i turned up with both alone! Hope it comes back negative.
Hang on in there CM, you are doing great. must be so tough x
Sounds like the kids are following in your footsteps Lotte!
I am just back from a week on the coast with my extended family..... carnage!!! 4 generations of us and 24 of us in one house for the weekend, luckily it calmed down abit and ony 15 of us for the rest of the week. lots of fun though kids loved it and lots of wine consumed!!
I think i need to find another 10k to enter, i am useless when i dont have a goal and running falls by the wayside with the million and 1 things to do! The only prob is i am scared to do the smaller ones incase i come last. much prefer to blend into 10000 people!
Hetty- what time do you generally do a 10k in? I have run in a couple of my local 10k's over the years with entry numbers of around 300-700 and I have come nowhere near the back with times varying between 57mins to 66mins (snails pace in comparison to some of the speedy peeps on here), I have found that the range in finishing times seems to be pretty much the same as big races. I tend to come somewhere in the middle of the field. If you are worried I would recommend entering ones that are organised to raise money for charity as they tend to attract a whole range of runners and also it may be possible to see previous results online so you can see what the range in finishing times usually is.
TT ;0)
I have only done 1 post kids (shamefully has taken me nearly 4 years to get back into running on any sort of regular basis!), did it in 66 mins. good to know that there is usually a range of finish times, presumed that the smaller ones would only attract hardcore speedy people. will have a nosy around and see if I can find a charity one
Thanks for the tip
ooo oooo
i have run 7 days out of the last 7. only done about 35-ish miles. plus a 5 mile walk on saturday. but still. that's more than i would have done if i hadn't done it.
Hetty- 66 mins is fine and would be very surprised to see you at the end of the field with that. I also find smaller races can be more relaxed and less cramped so you actually clock better times.
CM- glad you got some treatment but I would have made sure the Dr knew it was after his care not yours. You need to think in the future he may be asked to comment on her health and this is the type of thing that will swing it for you. I know it seems pointless but it is exactly the evidence you need- tangible.
Anj- glad you got sorted and hope your trip stays stress free from now on!
Lotte- just how on earth do you manage with so little sleep?????? 4.30 is defo middle of the night not time to be getting up!!!! Really pleased you are able to re-consider the games, we have total confidence in youx
RB- hope LB likes his swimming & love the fb photo. Balance bikes are amazing!
Sore throat and the last 5k tomorrow..... should get to bed.
ok done!
http://www.relishrunningraces.com/dyrham-park-10km.php
looks a bit different from the city centre events i have done before but should be a nice day out for the kids. Slightly worried about it being described as undulating though.... i dont do hills!!