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JT - you are right. it is boundary pushing. the thing is, though, that you would expect the adult to reinforce the boundaries. but that's not happening here. T is giving into the children. god, i know how hard it is. the last thing you want when you only have the kids for part of the time is to play bad cop when you do have them. and i am incredibly vulnerable sometimes and fear J's rejection of me, so i know how hard it is to lay down rules and stick to them when all you want is for your child to be happy in that moment and to show you some love and affection.
i am just really hoping that all the boundary stretching that is going on over there doesn't affect his behaviour with me. i am actually pleasantly surprised that i don't seem to get anywhere near the level of grief over sweets / choc etc that T gets. i have dropped the kids round to his on numerous occasions and as soon as the kids walk thru the door, they hassle him for chocolate and sweets. as soon as they get in his car, both of them ask for sweets, as he always has them. they then whine all journey for more.
the children NEVER ask me for chocolate / sweets (mainly because i never have any because i have already eaten them all before they arrive
). J will occasionally nag for an ice cream on the way back from school but he only asks two or three times and then no more. i don't get the full blown screaming fits that T gets about treats.
so i am vaguely hopeful that they possibly will understand that there are certain rules in mummy's house, which don't apply in daddy's. and that this won't lead them to grow up totally screwed up. i really do hope it's as simple as that. but i'm not sure...
Do you think T actually enjoys having the kids around, now that he realises it's hard work and not just fun all the time?
Question - want to take hubby away for the wk end in Nov as he is going to be 40. He is having a party in London for friends in Dec, but would like to do something nice, just the two of us. 2 nights, easy to get to on eurostar, not Paris or Amsterdam - was thinking maybe Bruges or Brussls? Anyone got any suggestions and recommendations for a nice, romantic hotel? Not tooo expensive, but not really cheap either - am prepared to spend money for a child free wk end!! Of course it all depends if my dad will look after M for us.
Only a quick post from me- I think I haved the flu (proper, head banging, ear aching, sore throat, wiped out, can't function flu). Curled up on safa all day with Archie so he'll probably get it too.....
I'm on facebook too- pretty obv as my profile pic is me finishing London and you can see camlo on my front (I am M... H....)
Hope everyone is ok- lice free and being strong ((((CM))))
oh no camlo. that's awful (()). hope you recover soon. don't do too much too soon.
brussels is nice enough, caro. been there on business only.
as for whether T enjoys it - i think he does. but i did have a real sense at the end of the weekend when he had had them for 5 nights that his patience was frayed .the kids were whining / whingeing / creating and he was flying all over the place trying to placate and soothe. he will never admit that he is struggling, though. never ever. and he will never talk to me about issues with the kids. i have talked to him about J's behaviour - it was me who started the discussion about J's latest 'i don't want to...' stage. T agreed with me but didn't contribute or seem keen to talk about how to manage it.
I was wondering the same thing CM, whether he actually enjoys having them around? Does sound like boundary pushing. I know we used to be the same with my Dad as we only saw him in holidays or the odd weekend, we knew we could get treats off him, but never asked Mum as we knew she would say no. Hope it sorts itself out. Nightmare for you as ever though.
Not having a good day, well I say not but in the end I have got pretty much everything done I wanted to. I was rushing as usual getting out the door for pre-school, just got buggy out of garage and Sophie screamed as coming out the door after me she got her foot stuck in the door. In ran to her, but slipped on wet moss/leaves from the rain and our badly draining front patio/path and went flying onto porch step, smashed my head and split my lip. Now have an egg the size of an egg on my forehead and a lip so bad I can barely eat. Knee also sore but that will be fine I think. Not what I needed!!! Walked to school with ice-pack on my head, what a wally I looked, then popped lots of anti-inflammatories and arnica when got back. Cracking headache but think I am OK.
Sophie had her 1 year jabs today MMR etc, so nurse looked me over and said I was OK, just dazed!! Question is whether to go to club run or not??
Have managed to make some calls, got supermarket, docs and cleaned all of upstairs and our bedroom and bathroom thoroughly, so at least achieved what I wanted to from the day.
Right, time for cuppa and take boys round the block on their bikes I think...
Hello I am still here
but after I lost my last extended post I haven't had a chance to catch up again! I am J........ H........ by the way (loving this coded conversation lol!).
CM - stay strong, might get time to post properly sometime soon (S currently playing with my feet making me make them talk to her
).
Back later I hope when no kids around!
oh no, MM. that sounds awful. hope you are ok!
yes, i do know that T still has some adjusting to do. but we have been separated since august of last year. really, he should be used to it by now. or is that me just being unreasonable? i guess he has his mum down an awful lot at weekends - she seems to be down almost every weekend he has them now. and then he has C to help out in the week (for now, until the week after next). the test will be when there is no C and his mum can't get down. then he will find it hard. but he fought for this and this is exactly what he wants. so he has to get on with it...
do hope you are spared the bug, cc. suddenly occurred to me that, with E starting nursery soon, we will start the round of vomming again. we have been spared it since we had a nanny. amazing the difference it has made. although E goes to things every day with other kids, she's not exposed to the bugs for as long, i guess. the last vomming thing we had was feb 10, which is when the nanny started. E had obviously picked it up during her last week at nursery and she started with it on the nanny's first day. we were all vomming copiously all week (including the nanny).
hopefully she is more robust now so won't come down with quite as much. she was constantly ill when she was in the baby room at nursery. of course, if she's ill now, it will mean time off work. except that i only need childcare 1 day a fortnight, so i guess the chances of her being ill on the day i have her when i need to work are less. it will be T who is most inconvenienced as he will be using nursery for 2 days every week. see how he likes having to take time off to look after her when she is sick. he has never done that before... can't imagine that will go down too well.
JT- yes dentists do tend to give that impression but only children i know personally who have needed dental work are ones who are in foster care due to neglect. My almost 15 year old has never had a filling. Only childminded one child in 12 years with dental problems and his were caused by antibiotics causing staining of his teeth.
TT ;0)
JT that is shocking! Will check out that link - thanks. Wouldn't mind knowing the hotel your folks stay in - as long as it's not next to the largest indoor shopping centre in europe or something!
Rouen - need to look at a map! I'm keen on Bruges, but hubby has been there so any other ideas welcome too.
MM - please don't go!
we have the dentist's in a couple of weeks. i have been having nightmares about it actually. E is a fiend and it's a battle to brush her teeth. and of course, when they are with T, there is no / little brushing done. never in the mornings and only cursory brushing in the evening. it is a huge fight with E, i know, but that is no excuse. again - who is the adult...
and she does love raisins.
she eats so many. the thing is that she refuses to eat breakfast. a mouthful is all she will eat, if i am lucky. she then gets her teeth brushed (when she is with me anyway) and then at about 9.30 she wants something to eat, so i give her raisins. and sometimes some flapjack or a muesli bar on the way to morning activities. i know. i know. but argh!!
i actually *did* have a nightmare 2 nights ago about taking her to the dentist and all her teeth were decayed and i was in so much trouble... and T was saying it was all my fault, and i had social services phoning me up.
stressed? me? no....
Carovet - I've been to Budapest in December and would recommend it. They have a good Christmas market and the hot spas are great - they have both indoor and outdoor ones and K loved them even though she was only 5 months old at the time. We stayed in an apartment which was quite reasonable too.
Not had a chance to read back so will be back later!
JP could also do with a trip to the dentist. He has fortunately been blessed with Ben's lovely teeth genes and he has always been OK with having them done really thoroughly, twice a day. He does like chocolate but he only has it after meals and he rarely has sweets. Drinks wise, he only has milk or water - perhaps a diluted fruit juice occasionally. So I am hoping he will be ok! Having said that, he is a complete fruit bat.
MM, hope you're ok now, definitely no running!!!!
TT, I didn't know who you were but addded you when I saw you were friends with other people from here
CM- definitely some boundary pushing going on there. Have to say, they still do it, even when they get to year ten and above! Our year 9 kids start year ten early (for the last half term) so I have a new yr ten class. They are still at the sussing me out stage, but were perhaps starting to find their feet today. I intend to squash them
Vixo- my, where did your pregnancy get to?! Can't believe you're due so soon.
Lotte - that would be enough training for me for a week, LOL!
Camlo - yuck, hope you feel better soon.
Last run done before half marathon, shudder. Need two rest days now! Have zero expectations apart from to get round. So this means I will probably get a PB
my dentist is in ringland, JT... need say no more. the chairs are bolted to the floor in the waiting room. apparently raisins are about the worst thing as they stick in your teeth...
just mapped the run i did tonight. 7.94 miles. added an extra loop on at the end as they have opened up more footpath along the usk into caerleon and i hadn't run that bit before. am still not running with my garmic as i truly don't want to knowhow slowly i am running at the moment.
Ok think the list is done tadah........
Angelicals- A***** B******
Camlo- M*** H****
carovet- C******** F****
Cher- Cher W*******
Chynah-Y** G******
Caramel Macchiato- L***** H*****
Cragchick- F****** B******
Edinburgh Flump- C***** N*******
Hetty- C***** M****
Janie Tri- J*** H*****
Joggergirl- J**** H****
JohBo - J****** B****
Karen73R- Karen R***
Kinsey- C******** F*****
lotte32- C******** B****
Minks- D***** H*****
Mitchie Moo- M******* M******
Monkey Runner- A***** F****
RunningBear- Bruin Bear
Tallbird- T**** M*********
TangerineTwirly- T**** P******-C******
tatty bogle- K****** A******
Trendy- W**** B********
TurboTid- C***** D*****
vixo- V******* H***
Yve-Y***** L*****
You would never know I like organising and making lists LOL
TT ;0)
Crisps are apparently worst thing for your teeth, seen something on a tv program recently and puffy potato crisps like twirls etc are worse than sugary sweets. Personally i think juice is the major factor in most kids tooth rot. My kids eat plenty of sweets, chocolate and fruit but Nat only drinks water and the occasional can of juice (she is a teenager), but she only ever drank water or fresh orange juice all the way through her childhood. Camryn unfortunately had to have juice as she had to take movicol in her drinks so needed something to disguise the taste, but she only gets McB's 'sugar free' diluting juice which is hopefully better than all those 'no added' sugar juices out there, plus I always dilute it way more than they say on the bottle.
Have to admit I am not a meticulous tooth brusher in that they brush their own teeth, I supervise but I don't brush for them. Gave up trying with Camryn cos just wasn't having a screaming match every morning and night, so she brushes them as well as a 3 year old can and Nat was the same and her teeth are perfect. Dentist was very impressed with them at last check up.
TT ;0)
TattyB - good luck!
MM - hope you are ok and that you didn't do the club run!
CM - such a tough situation. When it comes down to it kids do prefer or are happier when they have structure, routine and boundaries even if they don't really know it! I'm sure this will show through eventually. I have no idea how your kids will handle the constant change in differing parenting styles but kids are very adaptable (and clever), and all you can do is stick to what you know is right. I'm sure while it might feel like your the bad guy they will ultimately be happier and so prefer being with you.Just stick to your guns. I can barely get my head around how hard it must be to have to sit back and watch T make such a hash of things when it is your childrens happiness that is at stake.(())
RF - well done on the Munro. I would love to bag some Munroes!
Well I survived my celebrity sports day - lol! Spent all day running around helping and barely had time to watch my own kids. (Who all did embarrassingly well!) Reece, Soph and Dylan all won the most important races (!) - the 100m and the round the pitch race, Emily was second in both of hers. Its interesting though that despite being fast she just doesn't have the very (too?) competitive spirit that S,D and R have, bless her. I know it is only a fun sports day but it is nice to see they have good running genes! Reece was a hero as he is the smallest kid in the school but beat all the bigger boys in his class! Oh god listen to me going on, sorry!
I had my 6 at the dentist last week. None have ever needed any dental work. I never give them juice of any kind. If someone else does I don't stress about it but it is something I don't do. I don't buy crisps either. Neither me or hubby eat crisps so its just not something that occurs to me to buy. They do have yoghurt after most evening meals and are also fruit bats! They do eat a lot of cereal bars as they are such a handy snack for on the go and after school, I know they can have alot of sugar in them but usually its the nature valley granola bars which I hope aren't too bad. I make cakes/flapjacks/cookies once a week and they get a sweet at the weekend ( sweets one day (if they want) and chocolate the other). They just accept that is how it is and don't really try to push it. But if we are out annd someone offers them something or at a party that is fine. I just wish I had the strength to apply all those rules to myself. I hate that I haven't got good teeth.
Actually remionds me that Reece was hilarious at the dentists. He got up in the chair and put the shades on and then lay back put his hands behind his head and then said "I had polo's for breakfast but Mum said not to tell you" The other kids fell about laughing and the dentist (who was rather po-faced ) just gave me the strangest look. Of course I denied it (it wasn't true obviously and I didn't even know Reece knew what a polo was!) but it was one of those situations where you can protest too much!
wow, lotte. you do have a super talented lot!!
i wish i didn't eat crisps. or drink wine. i would be a stone lighter if i didn't.
think i may have found a 10k to do. flat and a weekend when i don't have the kids. does it matter that i am doing NO speed training at all?? (magor marsh - JT. looks quite good. good reviews on RW).
Nope doesn't matter a jot CM, who cares just enjoy it for the sake of running and the atmosphere.
I am a couple of week into yet another attempt at regular speed work, always falls by the wayside after a month or so, usually due to injury or illness. Never get ill usually. Hoping as I've been running consistently for a good year now without injury and running 5 times a week on average 30miles a week, that will be able to cope with speedwork now.
My week generally looks like this:-
Mon- Rest day
Tues- 5k recovery run
Wed - 10k run with intervals in the middle(currently 4-5-4-3-2-1)
Thurs - 30 mins on exercise bike and kettlebell workout (if I can be ar$ed, usually not)
Fri- 5k run (alternate between Tempo run one wk and Hills run 10x1min hills with 90 sec recoveries the next wk)
Sat- 10k easy run
Sun- LSR (alternate between 15km hilly run and 22km canal run)
I am increasing my interval run by one interval each wk , my hill run by 1 extra hill run every fortnight and my tempo run pace is gradually increasing each fortnight (I hope). All with the hope of at least achieving a PB at next half marathon in Sept and ideally getting under 2 hrs. Please please please.
If can get sub 2hr for a half then there is some hope that I might achieve sub 4hr for marathon next year or at least sub 4:15.
TT ;0)
What is wrong with being proud of your kids lotte? Shout it from the hilltops, it's perfectly normal Mum behaviour.
TT ;0)
PP is L***** L*** , she must be due very soon too. Hope all is well PP (()).
MM, hope you are OK after your fall.
TT, nice to 'see' you on FB, your girls look gorgeous.
Camlo, was it you with flu? Hope you are feeling better soon.
CM, must be heart breaking, you are doing really well, your consistency with the kids will be appreciated. Keep doing what you are doing ((())).
Sorry, been reading when I can but not posted for ages, can't remember what everyone has been up to.
Lotte, you have every right to be very proud of your kids, they are all very driven.
Love to you all, will try to catch up properly soon.