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Things you want to say but can't
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Hello long red graze on right thigh!
After we enjoy our shower together please make mental note........
Next time a dog jumps up on us as we run by .... request assistance of right foot .....
and kick the bast*ard ....HARD.
(Yes, really! )
Dear Javier Bardem,
as lovely and beautiful as Penelope Cruz is, I really think you should leave her and come live with me instead.
Yours Hopefully,
Pea
Dear Dr A at my surgery. Please get a colleague to refer you to ENT as you appear to be going deaf. The prescription you gave me will last just under 3 weeks instead of the normal 8 as you missed 100mcg off the dose. This has raised my already high stress levels to the extent that I nearly burst into tears in the pharmacy trying to get my tablets.
Dear Dr G in hospital. You're lovely but please don't write alarming letters that will reach me on Friday afternoon then take Monday off. They will also raise my stress levels when no-one except you can explain what you meant.
Dear Mr M in hospital. Please at least try and run tomorrow's clinic on time, I can't afford to take 4 hours off work unpaid because you've decided at the last minute that you want someone to sit in on the consultation. Please see my above comments about my stress levels.
wilkie, meusli/muesli
*returns to lurk mode
Dear stupid man on the tube this morning
Was there any reason you had to sit with your legs 'that' far apart? I felt sorry for the two ladies sitting on either side of you as I don't think your legs could have been any more splayed. If I'd been sitting next to you, you'd have had a not so subtle knock on the leg. And it's not as if you were any taller than about 5'6" anyhow. Were you hoping we'd believe your bollocks are so big it's impossible for you to get your legs any closer together?
Git.
Dear woman downstairs on the bus around lunchtime, who I could hear upstairs on the same bus
You don't need to speak to the person sat next to you at a volume that the whole bus can hear, unless they have a severe hearing impediment. Oh, and by the way, the tuneful collection of sounds are MEW-sic, not MOO-sic, in spite of what you repeatedly said
Hello there,
I don't post much or very often, but I like the idea of this thread so I hope you don't mind if i join in!
Dear Mr H,
I want you to know that I think I love you. You should be with me!
Thank you fellow runners. xx
You could hear the "moo-sick" upstairs even though I imagine she was wearing headphones - it was Phil Collins.
Oh - and on a similar topic, people who call them "asterixes". That's a ruddy French cartoon character, not a punctuation mark.
Don't get me started on people who say "arksked" instead of asked. Where does the extra K come from??
My pet hates are 'pacific' instead of 'specific' and 'asseptible' instead of 'acceptable'
I think moo-sick will become one of my favourite words .... Michael Buble ... now that's what I call moo-sick.
Dear car driver. yes you did just miss me by a few cm's while you where turning off the road tonight. If the look off
and 
on my face didn't give it away the shout of fear from Stu behind me might have. It was a wet road so my brakes where not that hot. Please look out for cycles next time, short of having a helicopter shining a light on me there isn't much more I can do with the lights, hi vis and reflective strip on my bike. My barman and chocolate seller would have been devastated.
At what point did you think standing in front of the mirror, starkers and using 2 hairdryers was a view we'd all like to see?
It was a sight my eyes weren't ready for, particularly before 7am
Dear god, she wasn't blowdrying her muff was she?!?!?!
Some women at my gym love to run about starkers!! Attention seeking twats (literally)
Oh my days - this was one of my first rants on here! I can't bear it, particularly first thing in the morning, I NO NEED TO SEE OLD LADY MUFF THANKS!!!
People who say "bokkle" instead of bottle, makes me want to pummle them!
I even chuffin edited it to correct a spelling error - I'm just too lazy!
Dear Friend
You're in a better place now that you have sorted out a job and somewhere decent to live. I've stuck by you when you made some truly bizarre and disastrous choices. Please take this opportunity to reflect on things and stop repeating the cycle of the past few years.
This is sincerely meant as there is a kind person inside of you but sometimes she's hard to see underneath the madness, paranoia and frankly weird bitchiness you have going on.