Howdy, Stranger!
Categories
Options
Things you want to say but can't
The materials in this website are in no way intended to replace the professional medical care, advice, diagnosis or treatment of a doctor, qualified personal trainer, therapist, dietitian or nutritionist Runners's World, Part of the Hearst UK well-being network © Copyright 2017
Comments
Exactly... ??
It happens all the time. My colleague (Dave!) is on annual leave so I answer his phone... I say who I am and it's pretty obvious I'm not male and the number of muppets who ask "issat Dave??!" I just wnat to answer "are you hard of hearing or just stupid?!"
whoever told you that one of those thin wispy bits of 'beard' just under your bottom lip was a good look, was clearly taking the p*ss. And no, shaving your (grey) hair and having just the one ear pierced (diamond stud ffs) isn't a good look either.
Bloke on bike this morning,
If you didnt have headphones on you may have heard me, thus removing the need for you to act startled and swerve when I came past you on my boris bike. Granted, the bell sound is a bit twee, but at 6.15 am, it ain't that noisy that I should need to yell.
When the advert asks for you to confirm that a) you have a specific technical background and b) you speak fluent Dutch or German, please don't waste my time by sending your CV when you clearly don't have either of these skill sets, not even one, not even fucking close to either.
Did you really believe that your experience as a fork lift driver is a close match to a PhD in molecular biology?? You did?? Great - could you kindly explain the theory of PCR please?? You can't?? Yes - I thought not.
Next time you may get a less than polite reply
Dear colleague,
You are an adult woman, please walk properly. Tripping about taking tiny little steps like you've had your feet bound and only discovered proper shoes today is really getting on my nerves as you seem to be walking past my office door every 5 minutes.
I can
Dear colleague from another team...
The hand dryer is there to ... guess what???... dry your hands with!
It is not there to blow dry your breakfast bowl and lunch plates and cutlery with. Is this what you do at home????? Wash up and then plug in the hair dryer???? No???? I didn't think so either. So stop being so fecking lazy and bring in a dish cloth like everyone else -- this is tax payers money you're wasting and a proportion of that is MINE!
Lazy bint downstairs,
I can't believe you faxed that letter from your office to ours. Was it so hard to walk up the flight of stairs? It was nothing if not amusing that the complaint you gave to Senior Admin lady about the faxes no longer being serviced regularly was written anonymously when no-one else in the office uses them. May be a good time to start use the scanner and email like the rest of the world.
Thanks for the laugh though.
LOL!!! Perhaps get her a really long one of these?
LOL!!!!
FB I thought this might tickle you...
http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/the-lay-scientist/2010/sep/24/1
Or one of these:
You should say "Yes, it is. How can I help you?"
Dear Ladies who don't like Naked Ladies,
What is the problem? Is the changing room not, in fact, a place for taking off one set of clothes and putting on another?
Why should unselfconcious women not just take off their clothes and put their kit on, and vice versa, (or dry their hair) without shame?
Women's bodies come in all shapes, sizes and stages of development (and whatever the opposite of development is), and catching sight of one in the changing room shouldn't be an issue.
If it is, I suggest it's you that has a bit of a problem, rather than the slightly-less-than-perfect woman who is unembarrassed by her body.
LOL Bear
This is what colleague needs.
Oh good. Another bug. Pic is a pair of running shoes.
LOL Wilkie!!! I'll pretend to be the new Dave from now on!!
Funny the changing room thing!! In our gym some women do a right merry dance with two towels whilst trying to change underneath those ytowels whilst not trying to let them drop and not expose an inch of skin... One women even has a towel-thing with elastic at the top to change underneath...
I get out of my kit, shower, dry, get into new kit! I mean it's a changing room ffs!! But you get some right weird looks for actually being naked in a changing room!!??? I agree I think "it's you with the problem not me!"
Dear conference keynote speaker
It was good of you to come all the way from Germany to address us, and we don't object to your strong German accent in the least. However, one tip, it may just be me, but I would have recommended you not to describe what you're proposing as the Final Solution.
+1 Wilkie and Nam. Tho I do find it unsettling in the work gym, when you find yourself face to face with a close colleague's naked backside. I've taken to standing in front of my locker and not turning my head at all. I was a bit disconcerted when someone i work with, who I know has never seen me in the nip, asked about the tattoo on the top of my thigh...
And today's rant:
Thank you to the girl who is leaving today for the donuts, thank you to recent travellers for the chocolates and thank you to the nice manager who buys us Graze boxes. I would have enjoyed sampling any of these delicious foodie bits, but the fat man from web development appears to have scoffed more than his fair share, if not the lot. He was even shaking packets to grab the last crumbs he might have missed.
So, dear Fatman, having watched you for most of this year, I think you have a food issue. You cannot walk past it, you have to grab some! If you know it's there, you seem to be unable to ignore it and frequently get up from your desk just to help yourself to some chow. It's no wonder you're the size you are, greedy pig. Why not get some help and try and deal with this compulsion, if not for your own health, but for the good of the team? Git.
I don't have a problem with the being naked in the changing room, that's quite normal!
It's the naked-pose-in-front-of-the-mirror-with-2-hairdryers I find a bit strange.
Anyway.......Dear rubberneckers,
The accident was on the opposite carriageway, why do you feel the need to s-l-o-w right down to have a look? Do you not realise the carnage you cause behind you?
Pea get the pom poms out please.
Yes that's happened to me at work when I used to cycle commute and have a shower afterwards... Strangers at the gym is one thing but colleague from work is a bit odd...
We had an old lady in her 60s at the gym who would strut around nekkid (no problem with that), towel dry most vigorously (still not problem with that)... then use a hairdryer to dry various crevices of anatomy including under boobage, ladygarden etc... (mmm.....), then would VERY liberally apply lavender talcum powder to various parts (er.....)... but the thing that really got me is that she'd then resort back to the hairdryer to blow off the vast amount of residue talcum powder into the atmosphere, leaving you to breathe in stuff that's just been sitting down her minge....
Played badminton with some workmates once its strange how coy some of them are in-kit off- shower- out dry-dress -bar
not
in-get undressed keeping back to you all times and slip sideways into shower-grab towel on the way out-whip off towel and negotiate putting boxers on over soaking wet legs just in case we caught a glimpse of your titchy todger
Dear Next Door Neighbour,
Can you please stop creaming like a fishwife and swearing at your children day in day out? The walls in these houses are not that thick and I am sick of hearing your screeching voice and the kids screeching back at you. Is it any wonder they've got zero respect for you when you can't even ask them to put their shoes on in the mornings without swearing.
Monkey see, monkey do.
My little rant: Oi IT dept, if you don't explain how to run the new reports how am I supposed to know how to run them? Especially if they use the 2007 version which I've never used before??? Pfffft.
I’ve been in this game for quite a few years now. At one level, your flashing eyes and lascivious smile is really working - you’ve got my attention. However, the alarm bells began to ring when you came up to my desk and let that extra two inches of cleavage waggle in my face a few seconds more than can be construed as unintentional. The way you place your pen in your mouth resting on your bottom lip and chew with the slightest touch of your tongue and teeth, oh so suggestively does make me think of oral sex - as I’m sure you intend it to.
Yes, I do ‘do things outside class’.
Yes, I might have such a ‘seeexy accent’... and so do you.
Yes, you do have a point when you say ‘We’re on the same level’ because I use my assets to the best of my ability to get what I want out of life - just as you are now using yours.
But, I’ve come across a 20 year old girl like you in nearly every year I’ve ever taught - you’re quite bright but you’re nothing special... and your grades will reflect this; and I’m not interested in buying sweetheart because the price is much too high.
But keep up the performance... it’s making this older man very happy.
But I can't drive a forklift truck either. Oh bollocks.