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Ironman - Germany - Pirate Race Reports - 23rd July 2006
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well done on your time - fantastic! did you get a hawaii slot?
Chuffed with it though. Blew a bit on the last lap of the run, but managed not to slow down too much.
I reckon that completing an Ironman is as near as a bloke can get to having a baby. It’s all a bit of a laugh at the beginning, when you get screwed by the organisers (how much???), it then takes nine months of development and gestation, then 14 and a quarter hours of hard labour to deliver the end result…
We had been extremely clever, or so we thought, in getting my dear ole mom’n’dad to drive Audrey (my bike) out to Germany; no danger of her getting damaged by baggage handlers that way. Obviously we hadn’t allowed for the dozy (literally) Dutch woman who crashed into the back of their car. We had an anxious wait before discovering that there was no lasting damage to either parent or the bike. If anyone wonders where my forum name comes from…
It was terrific to meet up with so many Pirates before the race; inevitably remembering real and forum names is tricky, especially when so many of you look nothing like your avatars and nothing like my mental pictures of you. The first serious part of the weekend was the race briefing, when we discovered that as the lake temperature was 25.3C we wouldn’t be allowed to dress in rubber. Hmmmph, after taking it all that way, too…
The race director said he was expecting a riot (and indeed the Kaiser Chiefs may have predicted one) but all he got was a round of applause. Strange people, triathletes.
We met up with Oxy and KPS on the way to rack the bikes, at the inconvenient time of 5pm Saturday. Just as we boarded the bus, the mother of all thunderstorms broke. Racking was postponed while the deluge persisted, even though we did try to explain to the organisers that it wasn’t a knitting club. We got escorted to the VIP tent to wait out the storm, where I-Spy lasted three rounds (T for tent, B for bike and R for rain, as you ask) The fridges contained only non-alcoholic beer, so we eventually left and racked our bikes, arriving back in Frankfurt dripping wet.
* No offence, it's all relative. Everyone but me was awesome. I was lazy.
[wrist slap]
Event had started with Operation "sub 10:30". Quite fancied this, however when the organizers announced that my wetsuit training for the last 2 weeks had been in vain, that operation was looking decidedly shaky.
Swim..
very late into the water. Had decided beforehand to start very near the front on the right hand side, so swam out there. After 2 mins of treading water without wetty and feeling very claustrophobic with all the other people around i thought sod this for a game of soldiers and swam back 5 or 6 rows to some free water and relaxed a bit. Gun went, and off we go.. First part of the swim was uneventful, usual amount of punching, kicking etc. tried to draft as often as possible, and I seemed to be going straight most of the time. Out of the water and saw 34:xx, bugger.. tis going to be a long swim. On the way back in I saw Melik about 10 feet in front, I thought to myself, he is not a bad IM swimmer, I'll draft off him, so I did. He later told me he was rubbish without a wetsuit, just as rubbish as me as it turns out. So out of the water in 1:15.. about 10 mins slower than I'd hoped. oh well.. 10:30 was prob not going to happen, so full swing into backup operation "Beat TC" ;-)
T1
Not much to say really.. put on HRM, top, socks full of lots of little stones, shoes, etc. and off I went
Now (in case it escaped anyone's notice!) I like my stats, HRMs, power, speed. I had it all worked out before hand, had practiced race wattage, HR levels etc. many many times in training, everything had worked a treat before.
Well b*gger me, nothing worked, my polar watch would not pick up my HR, the SRM (power measuring) kit stopped working, so no speed, power, or cadence. Fortunately they did pick up my HR but only displayed it for 10secs at a time cos it thought I was not moving !! Arrgh. Stopped and quickly tried to sort out the sensors to no avail. Fortunately I had my Garmin on the bike (just as a back up), and soon got it going, so I had an idea of how fast I was going, and could look at my HR now and again on the SRMs to make sure I was not overcooking it.. Think Calm Thoughts.. you have done this lots of times it will be fine.
Seemed to be motoring along nicely, getting passed by lots of faster bike people, so nothing new which meant I was probably pacing it just fine. Took the hills real easy, I knew I should not over do them. Got to the Hell, and it was, well, Hell, how bumpy ?!?! At the top of the hell I looked behind me to see that one of my spare tubs and my multi tool kit had gone. B*gger! turned around and cycled back a bit, then realised this was a stupid idea, and thought I'd just continue, one tub should be ok, lots of people only use one tub (Melik and Rosey for example). Then after a bit I realised that my razor blade and valve stuff was now lying lose in my cut off water bottle (that held the disappearing tub), if they were gone I'd be totally goosed if I punctured, so I stopped and fished them out and stuck them in my back pocket for safe keeping.. Calm thoughts.. things go wrong, just keep calm.. don't push hard to catch up, let the race come to you.etc. etc..
A few miles later I caught up with Avalaf, chatted for a bit, you know the type of thing "sh!te swim ? yup, feeling ok..etc." then we hit a hill, and he obviously was not following my "take it up the hills easy" plan, he shot off.. Then a couple of Germans passed me pointing at my bottle cage behind the saddle and I said "yeh, I know, nightmare, lost my multitool and a spare tub !". Then an English guy came past and said "your spare tub is hanging off, looked round and fkc me my one and only spare tub was fully unravelled and hanging on by a thread, how it was not caught up in the spokes I do not know". Fcking german roads" I thought !!
Off I set, again. that was 4 unscheduled stops so far, if I needed to pee I was doing it on the bike.. Calm thoughts were now being interrupted by "how many fcking miles have I done with this setup on sh!te Irish roads and the worse that has happened is one bottle has fallen off". But it does not matter, you have a spare tub, pump, and the bit to replace it.
More calm thoughts, people hardly ever puncture, and at least its dry, tubs usually puncture in the wet (I remember Candy and Cougie saying that)...
Then the heavens opened..
Once that had stopped and I'd not punctured, it was time for some salt. AT this point I discovered salt stick dispensers are cr*p in the wet, they let in the water, so the tablets got all sticky, bit of a design flaw there. So no salt was coming out, great.. Calm thoughts, you can get salt later from the aid stations, don't worry, things go wrong, sometimes a lot of things go wrong..
Finished lap 1 and passed Ava, then set out on Lap 2, feeling strong and Garmin was showing an average speed off 20.something mph, felt good.
A few miles into the second lap my bloody bottom bracket starting making noises again (it was doing it in the last couple of weeks of training and I thought the LBS had it sorted).. Calm thoughts.. it will be ok, it's not getting worse..
Then the sun came out, and magically the salt stick thing worked, well worked for a couple of tabs before jamming up again.
In the middle of all these calm thoughts, with every bit of my bike falling apart, I'd stopped concentrating on grabbing bananas and power bars from the aid stations. I had ~1600 cals of gels in my trusty, and thankfully quite sticky, gel bottle, but knew I needed more, so I grabbed some coke and a couple of bananas and finished off the gels. But knew this was just about the minimum needed, if that :S
I can't describe the relief of finally finishing the bike. The good news was that
1. I'd made it without a puncture and with half my bike scattered around the course and the bike sounding like a clunky shopping bike
2. I'd done it in around 5:30
3. I felt pretty fresh but tum was a bit upset, not so bad as last year (chucking up in the mara), but was not ready to start having more gels chucked at it.
but I knew I had not eaten enough.. and was annoyed about the 4 stops and the mental distractions.. you really don't need it.
nice woman help me get changed and out I went.
Run.
Looked at my watch, HRM still not working, time was 6:55.. hhhm, operation 10:30 might be back on the cards with a 3:30 + something run. Just went out steady. To my surprise I was consistently doing 4:30'ish mins km. Great stuff. Passed the pirate supporters, who were absolutely fantastic ! Then passed a couple of pirates, Iron mike, Dave , Mr Melifera. Decided to drink coke and/or NRG juice every other aid station. Finished the first loop in 51:something, feeling ok. bloody great !
Things started going down hill about half way thought the second lap and I decided that I need to be taking at least 3 gels per lap to try and get my NRG back up no matter how much I gagged taking them, so started doing doing so. Then I needed a “number 2”, stopped in a portaloo, about 2 mins something wasted, bugger. Finished 2 lap in 55 mins, ok I thought not too bad, with the toilet stop, and now at least that is out of the way. 3rd lap and I had to stop for another “number 2”,FFS its a conspiracy. Another 2 mins something gone plus a short wait, and I was slower still, was spending more and more time just walking through aid stations. Operation sub 10:30 was now well and truly history. Still operation beat TC was now back in full operation and surprisingly motivating ;-)
Ended up finishing the run in 3:51, which I was disappointed with. 5 minutes in the dunny and probably another 5-10 lost due to not eating enough on the bike..
Was pleased with the time, would have liked sub 10:30, but with everything that had happened (no wetsuits, bike probs and stops, toilet stops on the run, and not ideal nutrition) I was pleased. More importantly though, until the last two laps of the run, and I know this is where it all counts, I really thought I had control of the race, even then I did'nt really fall apart (e.g. Walking between aid stations), and despite the problems I really enjoyed it. The pirate support was simply superb and the pirates on the course motivational. I'm really sorry if I didn't say much on the run if I saw you, but was by then OTC was in its critical moments ;-)
.
Of course none of this would have been possible without the support and love of my wonderful mouse, Tish. Long may it continue :-D
Up early on race morning, Squish persuaded the hotel to cook my porridge, then off to the start at Langener Waldsee, a disused gravel pit just outside Frankfurt. It was drizzling, which was a bit of a surprise as it had been in the high 30s since we arrived. Off went the cannon and away we went for a deep water start. I received the obligatory punch, kick and scratch (for goodness’ sake, cut your nails, stupid…) but I found it was lovely and warm, just like being on your holidays. I really relaxed and enjoyed the swim; I came out of the water grinning in 1:31 on my watch. Up the chute, a quick high five to fb, our very own press photographer and into transition.
Out on the bike, I headed towards the gloomy skies of Frankfurt. A steady stream of cyclists were passing me, but I kept to my target heartrate and let them go. As we climbed the first of the three hills near the start of the first loop, the thunderstorm broke again. Ow! Was that hail or did it just sting that hard? Off came the sunnies as they were steaming up due to the sudden downpour. Next up was the Hell, a small climb up a cobbled street. The road was greasy from all the rain and it certainly shook my fillings loose. When my eyeballs had stopped vibrating, it was an easy-ish climb up the third hill, then out into the wilds of rural Germany for some relatively flat cycling. A big Piratey hello to Dirk, Hans and Anna from Chermany, you are all draft cheats and crap swimmers to boot!
The final hill on lap one was Heartbreak Hill; the crowds lined the route on both sides, leaving only enough room for one bike at a time. The noise was deafening and I did well not to take out a few spectators. It was then downhill all the way back to Frankfurt…and another lap of the same.
At the start of the second lap I thought I was going to die; too much lactate in the legs and HR way too high. I stopped by the side of the road for a pee, then opened my emergency rations, consisting of a bag of salted cashews and a bag of Mini Cheddars. When mixed, they work surprisingly well and I was soon back into my stride.
The one disaster was that my Lava Salts got wet in the storm, leaving me biting lumps off one large, congealed sticky mess. So much for accurate dosing, then.
The support from the locals and the Pirates was tremendous; cowbells, stereos, Mexican waves, anything that made a noise. I just high-fived the kids and rode with a big silly grin on my face.
Into T2 after a seven hour bike, which put me in 1920th place for that leg. Hmmm, could do better.
The run course is four loops of 10.5k with plenty of aid stations; the water bottle soon got dropped off at the pirate support station just outside the Youth Hostel. Everyone that was there was absolutely superb, even if you were a bunch of outright liars; ‘looking good’ indeed…
The course suited me; it was easy to run 1k and think 10% of a lap done. It was easy to play mind games…I’ll run to the next aid station, then walk; I’ll run to the next bridge and then walk; I’ll run to the next cobbled bit and then walk (you’re probably picking up on the word ‘walk’ at this point…)
Between the last part of lap 2 and the first half of lap 3, I hit my bad patch. I needed a toilet stop, I went dizzy and my fingers started to tingle. From then on, it was coke at the aid stations to get a large sugar hit very quickly. I had tremendous company from KPS for a while at this point; I’d like to think that I helped him half as much as he helped me.
Bad patch over, the last lap and a half went well. I could taste the finish line. Somewhere in the far reaches of the course, I saw Barley in the distance. ‘Christ, mate, what happened to you?’ ‘Never mind that now, it’s OK, you’re looking great, keep going, you’ve got it’ A quick shake of the hand and I was on my way. Thanks, Carl, you’re a truly generous bloke, that was a terrific gesture.
I'm so enjoying reading these reports, keep 'em coming!
Last lap and there was my darling Squish, out on her own just beyond the first bridge. She’d brought me more coke in case I needed it, bless her. I went past and around the out-and-back, before we walked a kilometre together…and had a bit of a kiss and a cuddle. It was right and fitting to have kissed my wife and shaken hands with Barlist, not the other way round…
On through the Pirate Support Station for the last time; I hesitated to get a clear run at the Mexican wave which they were doing for all the competitors. I jogged through, clapping them and yelling ‘thank you, thank you’…they were absolutely brilliant, words cannot adequately explain how much they helped. ‘You are the best’ is a horribly-overused cliché, but it is true nevertheless. Seriously, if anyone is reading this and wondering if they dare enter an Ironman, do it…and you will be supported like noone else in the whole race.
I caught up with Garr on the last lap, chatting up a Spanish lady. We could have had a Piratey burn-up over the last k, but I decided that maybe it was a knitting club at this point so let him go…especially as he’d promised to send his Pirate flag back for me to hold while I crossed the line.
The finish chute was clear as I ambled up, high fiving the spectators as I went. I collected the Pirate flag and ran across the line, shouting ‘this is another one for the fat lads’ for the benefit of fb, Gumps and DTs, former Porkworlders and Ironmen.
When I found out that IW, Plum, Barley, Cougie, KegKiller, Meldy, Donald and Bendy Jan (who I never did meet) had been pulled, I was horrified. Guys, that was extremely harsh of the organisers and you have my genuine sympathies…but what courage they showed in getting back out on the course to give support to their fellow pirates.
Huge congratulations to all the Pirates who finished and heartfelt thanks for all the advice and ‘humour a numpty’ sessions along the way. Thanks also to fb for ‘let the Ironman come to you’ and ‘have a big dump before the start’.
I must finally thank my darling Squish, without whom I would not be the happiest man alive <sniff>
Spookily, even though I had no metallic objects in my pockets, I set off the metal detector in Frankfurt Airport on the way home.
Somebody very clever once said that a journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step. My personal journey of 140.6 miles ended with me having to take the lift for the next two days.