Howdy, Stranger!
Categories
Options
Things you want to say but can't
The materials in this website are in no way intended to replace the professional medical care, advice, diagnosis or treatment of a doctor, qualified personal trainer, therapist, dietitian or nutritionist Runners's World, Part of the Hearst UK well-being network © Copyright 2017
Comments
Tosser
**EDIT meant for LTP no you K8**
OI!
*quietly weeps*
Dear IT contactors who have given me a nice shinny machine today. Not only have you not put the right spec on it for software, failed to merge the new pc with the existing monitor making me do it myself and completely messed up the important stuff on my desktop but I’ve just realised you haven’t tagged the pc with a asset number making my day even harder as I try to re-network the printer and database sessions that I shouldn’t have had to do because that’s what your being paid for. In the morning I’m going to give you a serious but polite fecking beasting!! You chuckle brother esk muppets.
*turns green cake smash!*
Liking everyone's rage today, "Chuckle brother esk muppets" - stealing it and making it my own!
Dear man driving the big red van
I'm pretty wet already from running in the rain - there was no need to deliberately drive through that big puddle and soak me from head to toe. You big gobshite.
*drips*
Are you kidding me - 2 months it's taken to get this far, plus numerous forms and now you tell me we can't access this as we're classed as a small business.
Good job I won't be in the office when the renewal for the contract comes up.
Dear Silly Twunt,
Attempting to give a fuck... [¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦ ] 99%...] error... giving a fuck failed.
Me
I have been waiting 12 weeks for the 4th and final layer of beaurocracy (ie, YOU) to approve my proposed promotion, and I'm getting ever so slightly frustrated. You obviously don't give a monkey's ass, and I am increasingly tempted to apply for a job elsewhere since you can't be @rsed to get on and approve it.
Don't get me wrong, i do quite like to visit a good "Gastropub" every now and then.
But if i pay 11 quid for a "gourmet burger", i expect more than 5 f*cking chips.
OK, they were quite big chips, but even so.
And stop the Jenga chip stacking thing immediately - its pretentious and intensely f8cking annoying.
Thank you.
I know you are a good person. In fact you are a very lovely person and I genuinely like you. But you are also incredibly ineffective and naive, in so very many ways. You are the queen of faff and the master of worrying over the small detail while completely missing the bigger picture. You border on complete technical incompetence and while I don't mind sorting out your computer cock-ups, it does take me away from slightly more pressing tasks. Tasks that you gave me to do, because, somehow, you seem to manage to leave everything to the last minute and then panic about it. And then ask me to get it done asap.
To tell you all of this would be like smacking a puppy. As I said you are a very nice person.
I just wish you weren't my boss.
Thanks,
Ms Hobbit esq.
Dear Nessie
You are a numpty. Try to get it right next time.
Luv
Nessie
Dear Channel 4*
I don't watch tv all that much, and channel 4 hardly at all. However, while watching some programmes on E4 this week, I have grown heartily sick to death of the endlessly repeated plugs for your new series about people in Notting Hill (or somewhere).
In fact, there have been so many of these that you have put me off it completely and I wouldn't watch it if it was the last tv programme on earth.
Yrs,
Wilkie
*this has happened with other series on other channels (Flashforward springs to mind) - tv companies please take note. Promoting something new is one thing, bludgeoning viewers with it is another - I think they call it aversion therapy!
...and it wouldn't even be quite so bad if it wasn't for the fact that the 300 adverts tend to show you the very best bits of the programme! So if you actually do watch it, you realise that the exciting trailers have simply been knitted together with a couple of hours of crap filler, and you get to the end with the knowledge that nothing new happened that you hadn't already seen, and you've just wasted hours of your life you won't get back....
Dear ancient laptop & projector,
can I thank you both heartily for actually working first time, quickly and without any hitches, when I had to boot you up for a presentation. I'm not sure this has ever happened before, and may never happen again, so I wanted to thank you on this rather momentous occasion.
Yours
Hap-pea Pea
Dear Builders,
You come into my new house, go & leave white paint spots all over my brand new black worksurface, fixing something that we haven't asked you to fix. It's not a good look, enjoy cleaning it up.
Were you born a complete twat or is it something that you have worked hard to develop over the years?
The reason I didn't ring my bell when I caught up with you on the canal towpath is because I did not intend to overtake. To start having a go at me for not ringing was completely unnecessary.
Every time I have seen you on my daily commute you seem to be having a go at someone for some trivial matter that most people wouldn't take exception to. I have seen you berate pedestrians, car drivers and other cyclists.
The last time you did it to me was because I was running at the edge of the road to avoid the overhanging branches that made the pavement unpassable. What did you expect me to do? Run along the top of the overgrown hedge? You are a sociopathic, monkey-faced, self-fellating pillock and next time I pass you on the towpath I will push you in the canal.
Thank you, that feels much better.
Get it out the system Podro.
And breathe...
Actually SAID one today.....
I volunteer in a community cafe every Thursday. I love it. Most people who come through the doors are brilliant, very polite, chatty, and appreciative of what we do for them. Its a great place.
Got an awkward customer today who clearly thought they were in The Ivy.
After their fifth unnecessarily petty complaint, I very calmly said "excuse me - I just need to check something....."
I cocked my head to one side, looked thoughtful and then said "Nope - I don't give a shit"
The regulars burst out laughing. For one awful moment the customer looked bemused, relaxed and said "OK - I'm being an arse"
Victory to MEEEEEEEEEE.
Customer was fine after that. I hope they come back next week because they were actually quite fun when I scratched the surface.
I hasten to add I do NOT always say what I think - I was having one of those days...