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But at least its not a secret. Thats got to be a positve thing.
Glad you shared that with us - after some coaxing! Try not to feel bad about it though. What's done is done.
LR is right. We can't change the past so can you put it behind you and move on?
Hugs to help you move on - (((By 'eck)))
Evening Bricki. I did a 22 minute run in the woods. Still quite nervous after Sundays failed attempt so can call that a success.
Your last diary entry made excellent reading. Can I ask a favour though - when you put a link to the diary, I think if you hit enter afterwards it should then change it to a hyperlink which makes it easier to access for us lazy people.
I've been in an mobile dead spot for a few days in Yorkshire Dales and missed out on the choklit bears. Its been really flooded and couldn't do any hiking because the paths were pretty much impassable and didn't seem very safe to go up the hills. Had a couple of strolls Hardraw Force and Strid waterfalls which were both in full flow though and we are now in Whitby for a couple of nights. If you know Whitby you will know the feeling I have now of being totally full and stuffed full of fish and chips.
I brought my running stuff away with me but haven't done any yet. I might manage a plod along the seafront tomorrow, but there are a lot of hills here *wibble*.
SuperCaz - hope you feel better soon. Lovely to read of you and by eck meeting up.
Solb - you have made awsome progress, well done and long may it continue
Wishing everyone health and happiness in 2013.
Hi, TSD. Bear missed out on the chocolate too.
Shame about the wet conditions restricting your activity but hope your having a good time anyway. Those hills put me off too but it's another ambition of mine to get to grips with them.
Still upset about it too!
sorry I've been AWOL been sad and lonely today - had to have a good cry about it and am fine now
Yay to all the running
By Eck I hope you aren't feeling too bad now. I think it is better if you can avoid unhelpful coping strategies but sometimes it's just about survival and you need to do whatever it takes to get through that day so you can fight to adopt more helpful strategies the next day. We accept that we're all going to make mistakes when we do just about anything else in life, I think it's inevitable that we won't always do exactly the right thing at the right time with mental health type stuff either. If it's a one off, forgive yourself and move on. You are succeeding in beating those urges more than you are giving in to them it's just that you give more weight to the failures than the successes.
Poor Soupy, we should have 'protected' a bear for you
I actually really like running up hills when my asthma is behaving - I like the feeling of skipping up them. Ooopsy there's a slightly grizzly bear over there
Good blog Bricki. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks Bricki - looks like it is the iPad technology that's not hyperlinking then so it's not what I thought it was.
SOLB - glad you're OK now but a shame you've been upset about last night. It sounded to me like you coped really well at an occasion that was always going to be difficult for you to fit in. Even as someone who does enjoy a drink or two myself, I can see no pleasure whatsoever in drinking games. I'm sure there will be better occasions at which you can 'shine' as only you can.
Mmm kinda not ok, I might go a bit quiet tomorrow please don't be concerned if I do will just be figuring some things out By eck, sorry love, yes it is Giants head I'm hoping to train for, be fab to do it together
SOLB - big day long lasting hug ((((((SOLB))))))
Bricki - I totally relate to what you're saying about work being quiet. I find things much quieter than they used to be. It should really be much better as I'm not having to work long hours anymore but the days just feel so much long and my concentration is so much worse. I really do need something to keep the negative thoughts at bay.
Difficult choice re the New York break you've got there.
Hows Caz today? Are you fully recovered?
Hey all, thanks for the hugs. I've emailed my CPN to ask for some advice.
SOLB - I hope you're able to get some useful advice from your CPN. It's obviously a major issue for you. I can certainly relate to self confidence being at rock bottom and I think that can always affect our perception of things in that, say, just talking to someone when they're in a bad mood about something or someone totally different - you tend to think 'they don't want to have anything to do with me', From the short time I've known you on here it's quite clear that there are plenty of people who really like you and care about you - myself included. It's got to be a long road to build confidence after all you've been through though. Thinking of the New Years Eve party - maybe it shows that you've got to plan your progress in small steps and maybe stepping a bit too far outside your comfort zone in one go can do more harm than good. As ever, you know you've got friends on here who are with you all the way on your journey. And seeing as that day long hug is about to expire, you must be due a top up - ((((SOLB)))).
Thanks, the top up hug made me smile
I think it's been bubbling for a good few weeks before the party but I also think you're right it probably acted as the catalyst that pushed me beyond the level I can supress it and keep going.
I've never emailed Sally (CPN) to ask for help before; I don't really trust her and I'm not seeing her until the 15th so I have a way to go on my own first I think. I do feel much calmer now; felt like I was crying my own soul out earlier so relieved I've somehow managed to put a sticking plaster back over it. Hoping if I just keep trying to be rational about those thoughts and remembering that I'm likely to be being oversensitive at the moment it will pass wuth time
Good to hear you've calmed down. The appointment is quite a long while to hold out - hopefully you can get through that time OK and find some benefit from it. It's the thing that I'm wary of if I was to go for therapy in that it would have to a person that I felt I could trust and they would understand for me to be able to fully open up. I've been a bit better the last couple of days but had a bad spell before that and really felt that I needed more help. My raging temper was threatening to get the better of me again and I was frightened of what I might end up doing. My next GP appointment is not for another month so I'll see how that time goes for me.