Agree with comments that a relationship should be easy in early stages. Disagree with anybody that says it should stay easy, it never does because people reveal their true colours once they get more comfertable in a relationship. And thats not to say the deception is deliberate (although sometimes it is), i just think we all sub-consciously try to impress and paint an inaccurate picture of ourselves.
I wouldn't offer relationship advise, I'm crap at them and have given up for the time being and become rather cynical (see above comments ), but if your doubts are big enough AL to post on the internet this early then he is probably not the guy for you.
There is one thing that has been overlooked. There are adults with aspergers syndrome or other types of autism who want to have relationships, but struggle. I don't know enough about this area to comment, but they can be very successful people, but loners. But just because they are alone does not mean they want to be alone. They just struggle with what is expected in a normal loving give and take relationship.
Commitment means "no matter what".<blockquote>It's as simple as making the decision to be totally committed to your spouse and to the relationship. No matter what happens: financially, health wise, or otherwise. No matter what. Once the two of you have decided to stay "no matter what", there is no question of stay or go, yes or no.<blockquote>Write this down: "ALL RELATIONSHIPS HAVE ISSUES". Happy relationships always have issues. Unhappy relationships certainly have issues. It's just that in happy relationships, the couples identify the issues, negotiate the issues, and come to terms with the issues. Couples in unhappy relationships deny, ignore, put up, or run away. Once the two of you have made the decision "no matter what" the emphasis is on the we. And, since we is not you and not him, the only positions "we" have are the ones you've decided together. In short, all problems are negotiable because there are no his problems or her problems. When one partner has a problem, just having the problem should be a problem for the other partner. Therefore, all problems are shared problems. Their problems require their solutions.<blockquote> <blockquote>Ain't the internet wonderful
Most relationships have the 'rose coloured spectacles' phase first, where you just don't see the other person's niggly habits. This lasts roughly up to a year or so. After that, the (imaginary) spectacles come off and annoying things get noticed. This is when the problems start, but as JC says, if the couple are together and communicate well, the problem is dealt with or a compromise is found.
Thats the difficult bit, the communication. The theory is you tell your partner you are unhappy with relationship (or aspect of), they understand your concerns without being upset or offended, you discuss and reach said compromise. The reality is often a little different......
Couldn't agree more Blondie! Other alternative is nobody backs down and its like living in World War 3
Of my own personal experience, family, friends and people I know, very few are truly happy in their relationships. Like I said earlier have given up, unless Ruth Lorenzo happens to knock on my door
A surrendered single is a woman who chooses to apply the principles of surrendering to her life so as to serenely attract a good man rather than desperately seek a mate.
Doyle says that the basic principles of a Surrendered Single are that she:
Acknowledges her desire to attract and marry a man who's right for her;
Lets go of the idea of a perfect man;
Receives compliments, gifts, help, and dates graciously whenever possible;
Takes responsibility for and focuses on her own happiness and fulfillment;
Relinquishes control of the pace of the courtship;
Strives to be vulnerable;
Honors her desire to be married by ending dead-end relationships;
Checks for safety before she risks herself physically or emotionally.
I'm not sure I understand most of this, but I am prepared to admit that I probably practised a few of these principles myself when single, albeit unwittingly.
A relationship is blinkin hard work from day 1. You have to seek each others approval for just about everything you do, and when the approval is denied, it causes rifts. And don't you boys get sooooo fed up if you have no toys. I'm talking motorbikes, model aircraft, classic cars to fiddle about with in the garage, latest electronics, phones... this is just the tip of the ice-berg in this house! Think I married Inspector Gadget!
mmmm, all very interesting. I really appreciate everyone's comments.
Thanks for your offer Coops. But I don't just want punctuality....committment as well!!!
Said guy has called tonight, said he obviosuly wanted me to come to party on sat night but I have the kids etc, said that I have an open invitation to his place anytime, that he's really looking forward to seeing me on Friday night and happened to mention that my photo is now his screen saver on his phone (ahhhhh). So that seems better doesn't it??? No mention about next week though, but I guess thats just something I need to work on....!
Comments
At least nobody told AL to kill him....
maybe because it would be a crime to say so.....
mur-de-rers!!!!
I used to do 80 mile round trips for a couple of hours with the future Mrs B.
She already had a 5 year old son and I never considered him an encumbrance (well not till him and his brother scratched my new car anyway).
yep, if you are keen you make an effort
this guy isnt
so, If AL wants commitment, it wont seem forthcoming form this guy
If she wants just fun, well fine
I hope you find a nice guy worthy of nthe person you are AL
xxxxxxxxxx
whatever you ditch him or marry him,
do always shag him!!
Agree with comments that a relationship should be easy in early stages. Disagree with anybody that says it should stay easy, it never does because people reveal their true colours once they get more comfertable in a relationship. And thats not to say the deception is deliberate (although sometimes it is), i just think we all sub-consciously try to impress and paint an inaccurate picture of ourselves.
I wouldn't offer relationship advise, I'm crap at them and have given up for the time being and become rather cynical (see above comments ), but if your doubts are big enough AL to post on the internet this early then he is probably not the guy for you.
There is one thing that has been overlooked. There are adults with aspergers syndrome or other types of autism who want to have relationships, but struggle. I don't know enough about this area to comment, but they can be very successful people, but loners. But just because they are alone does not mean they want to be alone. They just struggle with what is expected in a normal loving give and take relationship.
committed to your spouse and to the relationship. No
matter what happens: financially, health wise, or
otherwise. No matter what. Once the two of you have
decided to stay "no matter what", there is no question of
stay or go, yes or no.<blockquote>Write this down: "ALL RELATIONSHIPS HAVE ISSUES".
Happy relationships always have issues. Unhappy
relationships certainly have issues. It's just that in happy
relationships, the couples identify the issues, negotiate
the issues, and come to terms with the issues. Couples
in unhappy relationships deny, ignore, put up, or run
away.
Once the two of you have made the decision "no matter
what" the emphasis is on the we. And, since we is not
you and not him, the only positions "we" have are the
ones you've decided together. In short, all problems are
negotiable because there are no his problems or her
problems. When one partner has a problem, just having
the problem should be a problem for the other partner.
Therefore, all problems are shared problems. Their
problems require their solutions.<blockquote> <blockquote>Ain't the internet wonderful
Couldn't agree more Blondie! Other alternative is nobody backs down and its like living in World War 3
Of my own personal experience, family, friends and people I know, very few are truly happy in their relationships. Like I said earlier have given up, unless Ruth Lorenzo happens to knock on my door
Jose
x
A surrendered single is a woman who chooses to apply the principles of surrendering to her life so as to serenely attract a good man rather than desperately seek a mate.
Doyle says that the basic principles of a Surrendered Single are that she:
- Acknowledges her desire to attract and marry a man who's right for her;
- Lets go of the idea of a perfect man;
- Receives compliments, gifts, help, and dates graciously whenever possible;
- Takes responsibility for and focuses on her own happiness and fulfillment;
- Relinquishes control of the pace of the courtship;
- Strives to be vulnerable;
- Honors her desire to be married by ending dead-end relationships;
- Checks for safety before she risks herself physically or emotionally.
I'm not sure I understand most of this, but I am prepared to admit that I probably practised a few of these principles myself when single, albeit unwittingly.A relationship is blinkin hard work from day 1. You have to seek each others approval for just about everything you do, and when the approval is denied, it causes rifts. And don't you boys get sooooo fed up if you have no toys. I'm talking motorbikes, model aircraft, classic cars to fiddle about with in the garage, latest electronics, phones... this is just the tip of the ice-berg in this house! Think I married Inspector Gadget!
mmmm, all very interesting. I really appreciate everyone's comments.
Thanks for your offer Coops. But I don't just want punctuality....committment as well!!!
Said guy has called tonight, said he obviosuly wanted me to come to party on sat night but I have the kids etc, said that I have an open invitation to his place anytime, that he's really looking forward to seeing me on Friday night and happened to mention that my photo is now his screen saver on his phone (ahhhhh). So that seems better doesn't it??? No mention about next week though, but I guess thats just something I need to work on....!
One of my wife's friends husbands bought a new Audi without discussing it and then got caught speeding at 120 in it within a month. Automatic ban.
She is not best pleased on many levels.
Blondiee, if he'd read it I don't think he'd be too happy!!!