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Only just stopped bouncing after going through the night
I actually slept straight through for once. Waking up is just the hard bit now. Supposed to be heading for work. Need to find some enthusiasm.
Good luck at work Rudolph. It will getter better as the day goes on. Good news on the sleep but I know that waking up feeling. If its not one thing its another lol but I know which I prefer. I could sleep for England some days.
The messages of support have kept coming in. What is really interesting is that out of about 25 people I contacted, 5 have come back describing their own experiences of mental health problems that they have suffered themselves. It just goes to show how much of a taboo it still is as, certainly 4 out of the 5 came as a total surpise.
Had a lunchtime run with a work colleague today. 29 minutes - went well again. The only problem was at the end again, when my colleague had gone back inside and I sat down outside to cool off a bit. Within a minute a guy with a clipboard approached me smiling and saying hello. I swore at him at stormed off back into the building. I do find getting through days at work difficult and so, when I get some space to myself it is badly needed. It upset me though as it was a total over-reaction and coming as it did on the back of having done something good. I guess the adrenaline was still running. It does make me realise how much hurt, anger and frustration I have inside me. I am taking positive steps, but something like this can really bring me crashing down again so quickly.
Thanks, by 'eck. That's just really been getting to me all afternoon and I just needed to get that out. I am taking positive steps but something like that just gives me a sense of how much I have to deal with here. I'm really hoping I don't have to go for the therapy option but things like this make me this I may have to. If I have to I will. It's a long term project!
Echo what hilly said LR - you are not the only one to be irrated by cold callers and the like. But I just wondered why you were against therapy? It is a bit scarey to begin with but it can helpswithout doubt. If you don't fancy the face to face stuff there are a number of computer guided courses.
I didn't get out on my run today, made all sorts of excuses including changing the bed linen! I really must go tomorrow, I haven't run for over a week now. I did a good swim lesson today this evening though so that feels good.
Go for it, TSD + by 'eck, we need to keep encouraging each other.
My concern about therapy is largely about my concern about not making my problems known in the workplace as if I have to attend appointments, it would be difficult to explain why I needed to disappear off at different times. I would certainly mention this to my GP at my next appointment though. I have various self help books which I really ought to study again. Concentration is always the difficult thing though.
Just to clarify, it wasn't just a case of being annoyed by the guy with the clipboard, it was having to walk away to avoid hitting him.
She's gone quiet at the moment.
Thanks for listening to my troubles. Now I'm calming down a bit (could this bottle of wine have something to do with that!) it does seem a bit of an over-reaction. Just upset me, that's all, and another 4 hours at work with it playing on my mind just made it worse.
Hope everyone else is OK - seeing as I've been hogging the attention!
She's here sorry.
I don't know why I sometimes don't have any words still. It's a bit weird cos usually that happens when I'm ill but actually I'm still really, really well. I wonder if it's just cos I'm pushing myself so hard. I hope so cos it'd be rubbish if I still had periods of a couple of days a week where words desert me (not as rubbish as being ill obviously - I'm not trying to be ungrateful)
I very rarely get angry because I blocked it after an incident when I was a kid where I raged so much I hurled something at SOLBsis then wanted to do it again with a real fire behind it cos it hadn't hurt her enough ... that scared me such a lot and I was so frightened I was turning into my Dad. I talked about it with Vicky about a month ago and she said... Feeling like you want to hurt someone is different to doing it. It doesn't matter how much you wanted to if you made the choice not to. I wonder if the same could be said for you. You really, really wanted to hit him but your self restraint won out and you walked away, that's actually a victory rather than a failure.
Something really lovely happened today. Remember I'd mentioned about feeling like the OCD was controlled enough to have a Christmas tree at last. I'd costed it up and realised it was too expensive to do with the cost of the lights and decorations and stuff all at once so had resolved to buy the decorations in the sales after Christmas and have a tree next year. A couple of friends conspired together to buy me my very first Christmas tree - and it came with all the decorations. So, so sweet. I really am lucky to have such lovely friends. So as promised .... here is a picture of MY (first) Christmas tree
(don't worry about 'hogging' attention; we're all supportive of one another some days one of us need more support and others some one else does ... no one it counting, promise!!)
Glad you are calming down LR. Its hard when your thoughts control you. There are times that I know I'm being irrational but I can't stop my thoughts working overtime. Its awful.It doesn't come out in anger but in frustration and feeling worthless. CBT is certainly helping but it takes practice. I've just finished my 8-week programme and was very reassured to be told that I'm not expected to be instantly "cured" because I'm not, but I've got a light at the end of the tunnel.
I've set out my running kit out in readiness to take to work tomorrow for a lunch time run. *holds up right hand in Brownie salute - I promise to go for a 40 min run tomorrow*
Hopefully I'll be joining you all in running pledges in the next few weeks - I pick up my new inhaler tomorrow
Night night Soupy; glad the CBT has lit up the way even if it's not taken you all the way to the end of the tunnel.
SOLB - just seen your Christmas tree. What a lovely gesture. You are obviously a highly thought of person with good reason. Enjoy.
And on that note, I'm off to bed. I'm trying to watch the Matthew Bourne programme cos I love his choreography but I'm feeling too tired.
Wise words, thanks!
Wow wow wow! Seeing that tree of yours has really cheered me up now. Just brilliant - so pleased for you.
Must get off to get some sleep.
For those catching up on here later - appropriate noises need to be made about SoLeigh Bell's tree. Let's hear it!
Thanks also to by 'eck and TSD for getting me through an over-emotional evening.
*goes all warm and fuzzy at by eck and TSD getting our Rudolph through* Night
got our first official appointment with the fertility specialist today, just makes me think ive got crap swimmers...
as you were
Well if all that bouncing didn't get them swimming, some help is definitely needed.
And well done to Moo. Those were definitely appropriate noises!
Bricki wrote (see)
got our first official appointment with the fertility specialist today, just makes me think ive got crap swimmers... as you were
Good luck today, Bricki.