Windy Runs

Don’t think badly of me for this. I can’t help that I am but a puerile individual who is 36 going on 12. I do wonder about the wisdom of posting this…but not that much.

I don’t know about anyone else but I find that whilst out on training runs, particularly on my early Sunday morning long jaunt, I am often prone to flatulence of ear splitting resonance. Now this is where the puerile bit comes in…I use this flatulence, when it occurs (I hasten to add that it’s not all the time and that the ozone layer is relatively intact above my head!) to amuse myself when the running gets hard.

How? I try to make different sounds (e.g. long and drawn out so it sounds like a motorbike) or save it for underpasses or tunnels to see what sort of echo I get. Suffice to say there are generally not many people about…that is by virtue of the time of day as opposed to as a result of my filthy habit.

Up until now though I’ve never experienced flatulence during a race or whilst on a treadmill in the gym. This morning though, it happened in the gym. A sudden welling up followed by the expelling of intestinal gases. As I had headphones on at the time I have no idea how noisy the fart was. As more were to follow I took my headphones off and tried to regain some control and composure.

I don’t know if anyone heard. There weren’t that many people in the gym this morning. I made a show of not being in the least bit bothered and carried on manfully with my speed-work, but I’ve decided that running-related flatulence is far more fun outside than in.



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