oh bugger, another fat newbie.....



  • I'm sure you'll find riding a TT bike just as easy as OW swimming Lard lol

    It was only 12 at my OW tonight, and Bala lake is only 10 at the moment,
  • Sgt Lard

    Seriously, you are going to have to brave the real world soon. Very soon.

    If you can't man up to your life time partner and admit what you have just spent several thousand  pounds on, and why, then the argument/explosion could be rather spectacular. (Obviously your wife is different to mine, and I'm only going from my personal situation).
    You wanted us to help and assist you on this forum. If I've over stepped the mark, then that's because my conscience is screaming at me.
    Ironman triathlon is not just an endurance sport, it's an extreme endurance sport. Even to reach the cut off times, everybody has to train hard for it, replicating the likely experience of the day.
    -Swim- practice the full target distance, in open water, within the time allowance
    -Bike- Yes bike OUTSIDE on real roads, with bumps, hills, punctures, rain, sunburn, traffic, pedestrians, sore arse, aching back, needing a piss or a dump, running out of fuel. If your target is 112 miles, then at least get a 100 covered. Oh yes, do it at the appropriate average speed too.
    -Run- Even tough runners will expect some walking. But 13 or 26 miles is a sodding long walk. That is going to take 3.5 to 7 hours at good walking pace. Have you got enough spare time for that? Have you tried walking for that amount of time?
    Cut off times? To me, it sounds like you might even make the swim time.
    Personally, I don't see you getting past the first bike cut off.

    Call me tough. Thick skinned. Ignorant. Unsupportive. Insensitive. But don't call me an obsequious panderer. A spade's a spade. Train hard and reap the rewards. Otherwise your day of reckoning will arrive.

    All meant in the best intent. Please prove me wrong.
    I'm going to press the button now, and piss you off.
    Best Regards

  • I was approached at OW swimming a couple of weeks back, and the person said you have the Pirate logo on your car and your hoody says Dave, are you Dave the Iron Ex Spartan ?

    So I had to admit I was, The person concerned is doing an IM distance this year and has been following this thread (without posting) , He had been enjoying my motivational attempts on Sgt Lard, and wondered if I had considered a book ?

    You don't fancy adding a chapter or 2 do you Blisters ?

  • and the prize for a wet slap with a big fish goes too  ......

    first off, a big thank you to all for the motivation, cajoling, coaching and general boot up arse and especially dave & blisters who have attempted everything bar popping round to physically impart collective wisdom. image

    and I'm am a grown up, despite the petulance week assed winging and moaning and general week arsed bollock useless cack i type/think/say.  I long since learned how to apply shoulder to the wheel and put the work in. ( old school martial arts black belt, royal marines reserve .... blah blah blah ...  glory days are for the pub and to impress little kids - i don't do pub, and the kids aren't little ).

    my only frustration is the OH is unduly ( for me ) worried that bad things will happen if I do this no matte the preparation. and you do know how hard it would be to have done what you've done without an understanding ( if not supportive ) OH/Family.

    Now, I have swam a mile a couple of times recently in under 50mins. in a pool and including rest pauses. I swam the distance non stop and I've swam the 2.4m rest pause in a pool in 90.  but they don't do this in pool's.  and I've not swam OW since well, flares were no longer in fashion but mullets were.  So a first time OW swim in a new wetsuit in the choppy cold pond last night - a mile swam/rest pause in just under 60mins. first 30 mins was a bit of a shock to the technique. ( that pond had weeds in, had waves in that tried to drown me and was a bit chilly when the face went in ) so not all to plan.  sighting was a new thing - and i became conscious that I drift right when just plowing on. sighting technique will need practice.  However, I remain convinced I can get out of the swim in time.  ( maybe puking and all was down to eating too heavy an hour before getting wet. maybe its drinking pond water and swallowing air, maybe its the amount of water in the suit around the midsection, maybe its the cold, maybe all of it but probably I'm overthinking it - with the experience I am a little worried that I might make the swim and not get out of transition - only doing it will prove it )

    I concur, I need to actually ride outside. on the course ( as its on the doorstep ) - turbo&spin, no matter how hard the trainerroad/RPE is not outside. lots of shit to handle on a bike, on tt bars or not, on the saddle for a couple of hours or more, with the time pressure in mind. I do indeed need to have that squared away conversation and do it, or give it up.  I firmly believe I can manage a 16mph average - faster down than up, i know the area and the roads and all that - but only actually trying it outside will prove the point. If I can get out of transition with a settled stomach, I believe I can finish the bike ( technical failure aside ). 

    The run is going to be tough. even run walking 2hrs+ is going to be a brain aching bstard long time - its going to hurt. its going to need gritted teeth focus. might not make it. sure as shit not practiced that misery so doing it is the only way now. whilst you can walk a half marathon - who'd ever want to walk a full unless it was for chairity and didn't a grandma 92 just do one in 8 hours maybe I can make it with the notorious support at these events? 

    personally, i think I can survive the half on the work I've done and the gut it out I've learned. just as long as the OH is on board. I want aware that their was a cut off within the sections beyond the must have started next bit by..... ? Its too distracting dealing with that FEAR and the guilt over consequences - don't think you can do these extreme events with half a mind on the task at hand.

    the outlaw is probably a distance too far - I've not done the work, you can't just turn up and go - well you can if you've paid and entered - but you just get pulled off. ( fnarr fnarr) . ... so i had thought the outlaw for the experience - a longer OW swim, a fair stab at a long bike ride with some support/comfort. transition. the event in general. and the couch is a terrible place to die miserable. its certainly a distance too far 

    tempest fugit. though. I hope I make it to the start, and I'm determined to make it to the finish if I do.

    ( I really struggle with being told can't - can't get a black belt, can't make national team, can't pass selection, can't survive lympstone, can't survive ironman. can't my arse )

  • oh, and if giving up my place at outlaw would let anyone in - it would be done in a flash. but as it wont, then use it or waste it is my thinking. ( can't even defer to next year ).

    if your lingering on the thread - lets have your input. its a participation event! 

  • That stranger in the car park was me image  

    You say this "my only frustration is the OH is unduly ( for me ) worried that bad things will happen if I do this no matte the preparation" ... but surely you would stand a better chance explaining to her that you ARE going to do it, and the best way to avoid anything untoward happening when you do it, is for you to actually get out there and train properly. So if she IS that concerned about you, then she should get behind your training. 

    Its called mitigating the risks, what are you are doing is fact becoming a self fulfilling prophecy, you aren't training in case something bad happens to you, which all the time is increasing the likelihood of something bad happening to you on the day. 

    (and Dave the book idea is great as long as no wet suit pictures ... that shimmy is still haunting me now)

  • Approached in a car park by a man wearing rubber..... I wasn't going to admit I knew you ! My defence team might need that info at a later date
  • Hi

    She's in the know. fully sanctioned a P3 Cervello purchase for the purpose of undertaking ironman triathlon. knows I am swimming for this, knows I'm turbo tied for this , knows I'm in the gym spinning for hours . goddam it. knows I'm too lardy to run a marathon. has agreed swim-bike-(not run). i have agreed not to RUN.

    I've mitigated that darned event to buggery - staffs 70.3, its flat, its my backyard ( lived played trained, eaten, travelled, worked , studied, taught- hell, I'm never more than 10miles from home in the entire event, I've done the time ( almost except running ) - its not anywhere far away ( america/europe ), not full distance ( i might have suggested outlaw coz its flat but), not too hot nor too cold and not too lumpy as I'm not built for lumpy/hot   and on.y a fool likes the cold. its closed roads, 

    ironman events have mitigated the swim - split starts, no penalty for resting, etc. 

    i don't think it can be made safer.  and by contrast, a daily 100m commute each way is less risky how ( done this for 10years - I'm that sad )

    the concern centres around me being the single supporter ( income ) for the family and if I'm out of action, then no income/job - and then no home/university/etc etc. so when I have the heart attack/stroke/alien abduction then the world will end and its my fault for being a selfish bastard.

    tried the 'I'm doing it, I've trained for it, I've mitigated it and got the 'blue touch paper response'

    tried the 'ill do the swim coz i have and the bike coz i can and wont 'run' and got a yes. then a no but yes but no but - which continues

    logic isn't working - as their is a risk , infantesimaly small, but it exists


  • If its only a financial concern she has, then have you thought about getting life insurance just to cover the event ... that way if you do die, then at least the mortgage/university/future income will be covered !


  • it's Cervélo  Muppet

  • Never heard of a Cervélo  Muppet

  • lol

    just found another snafu : brand new stages power meter does not fit the boardman aero frame! The under bb brake is clipping The meter

    the day gets better and better image

    its c'expensivebutpretty'velo image




  • P3, Boardman aero, power meters, garmin


    (Please tell me you've bought a twat hat as well )

    You've spent all that and don't bother to train ?

    I don't always bother to wear a watch when I race.

  • I've not purchased a point twat hat, and I bothering to train.

    I'm off to my room in a huff.


    ......... pointy twat hat........ they don't make red ones..........

  • LMAO - want one.

    the power meter is more mitigation so I don't go red lining the bike start and dying somewhere near longdog 15k into he bike course.

    ( you don't want to get a hear attack/stroke/alien abduction near longdon - nearest AE is 18miles away. you'll be dead. )

    now , can I fit an extra spacer to the bottom bracket for my new bike - need to shift the power meter crank arm over a smidgen to stop it knocking on the under bracket brake ?  ( assuming racing without a back break would not pass go - if not completely derailing the risk mitigation )


    Hi Boo.... indeed. insured up the you yah. if it was other way round, Id think hard about the possibility of early retirement. I think I'm the 'rock' about which the OH universe turns.  all be it a 'f'king selfish lazy fat slob bastard crap twatty rock who is insured' . its a mixed message I know, but hey. I'm the weight of a lot of rocks so it does explain a few things

    got my race number and wave start. image

    image 11 days to go and they gave me a time and a number. its like death row.

  • SgtLard wrote (see)


    now , can I fit an extra spacer to the bottom bracket for my new bike - need to shift the power meter crank arm over a smidgen to stop it knocking on the under bracket brake ?  ( assuming racing without a back break would not pass go - if not completely derailing the risk mitigation )


    I didn't realise the P3 had "hidden" back brake, I thought it was in the usual position.

    Oh, And without talking to Graham or Matt, I think the answer is no

  • From Stages website:

    The diagram below provides the necessary “CLEARANCE ZONE” you should consider prior to making your crank purchase. As long as you have the necessary “clearance” between your crank arm and chain stay, and assuming you have existing compatible cranks, you should be able to utilize our solution with your crank set.This includes not just the chain stay of the bike, but also any chain stay mounted brake that sits in the space between the crank arm and the frameFor bikes with chain stay brakes, an alternate brake caliper may be required.


    Chain Stay Brake


    If you do note that your bike has a chain stay mounted brake that may interfere with the placement of the power meter on the left side, it may still be possible to use the Stages Power Meter. Please note the following info: 

    1. Brake model
    2. Bike model and year
    3. Crank model

    Then contact us for a list of potential solutions by submitting a new support ticket or giving us a call at 1-800-778-7218

  • Just checked, a P3 should be fine
  • sorry - I have approval for a P3 - but its a bit silly, me being totally virgin on a proper expensive TT bike for the first event and the course is rather twitchy so on guidance and with the budget in mind I plumped for the boardman 9.2 air. 

    I am rather hoping an extra spacer on the left will suffice. wishing Id done a little more research before purchase now. 

    I can get the Cervello P3 next time  - perhaps when I've got more (any ) actual road miles under my belt and the course is more accommodating and the OH has been sedated.

    but that spare budget has sourced a power meter and a wetsuit and some oakleys and she doesn't need to know that image

  • I'm sure the Oakleys will make you so much faster....


    Why don't you go the whole hog and buy a P5 ?

  • ahhhh 

    the thinking was spend it now and get it all so that its not a continual drip drip ( i have the cash now and so why not  - cat take it with you image .  Just consumables from here on dear - tyres, trainers, cleats, race entries, food, batteries, bling, spare bike ... )

    now when I'm captain skinny, a P5 but thats not even a window shopping item.


  • Well it's a gorgeous afternoon, think it's time to go out and enjoy a few miles on the bike...

    ... Sadly it's only a P2, with no power meter, and my Oakleys cost me 5 euros from a market in Barcelona ( sure they're fast tho)
  • Only managed a hour's run myself. But hey, it's 8 miles in the bank. I even wore glasses. I don't even go as far as Fakeleys these days. A pair of tinted safety specs keep the flies out just fine.

  • Managed a superb 21 miles in just over an hour. But it was a flat out and back route, Sunday will be a little more challenging.

    I assume Lard has swum, cycled the lanes of Staffs and is now carbo loading
  • Was just about to head out for first century ride, but having read this I've just realised I do not have any Oakley's  ... back to the turbo with the curtains closed for me then!

  • well, a bit of spinning - no swimming today ( tomorrow ) and then outside

    carbo loaded for a couple of years ( you know that doesn't work right ? you can't carbo load.). Im more of a carbo storage unit.


    Will you be needed a bucket for all that piss your taking ? image


    weather looks positive for the weekend of the event.

  • Nah there's a great big lake in Staffordshire for us to collect it in
  • ah, flavoured water always tasttes better

    making progress with the powermeter - the judicous use of a dremmel and its clearing the brake and presenting results.  just a little more when i get home and a spot of sealant to protect against the elements

    course recce inthe morning.  a ride outside dave - a proper one. so that counts right ?

    just thinking the pirate kit order delivery is probably going to be post event. options need to be followed to borrow/buy second hand or squeeze into the large monaco i hoped would fit better than spay paint.  ( i could always pin it to a regular shirt - might be less embarrasing all round )

    hoping Bala is a good day out for you Dave. only the sheep piss in the water. ( sheep and the welsh of course ) image

  • I'll believe you outside when I see it.... Lol
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